Leah Online

Okay guys....I'm doing it.

2006-03-05T21:21:00.000-05:00

I'm officially moving the blog..... It's a little nervewracking. I feel like I'm birthing a baby for some reason. Or maybe like I'm having a party and worried that no one will show up. But whatever. Here you go. The new link is http://onlypartiallyinsane.com I won't be posting here anymore so please update your links.

I only had 3 vodka tonics, I swear!

2006-03-04T13:11:00.000-05:00

And yet, I've got a pounding hangover! After only 3 vodka tonics. This is seriously embarrassing. I've lost my sea legs. So I'm [literally] laying on the couch [in horrible agony] and working on the new website. Oh, did I forget to mention that? Soon (and very soon) my friendternets, I'll be abandoning blogger and this here blog we love and know as "Leah Online" to switch to WordPress 2.0 and my very own domain name! Yay! I'm not telling anyone where it is now b/c I'm still monkeying with the look of it. I'm not sure what theme I'm going to be using for the look of the blog and quite frankly, I don't want to unveil it until it's completely done. Why am I doing it? Well, I embrace constant change for one. Blogspot has been good to me [and of course it's free], but I really wanted a different look and feel for the space. I like the functionality of WordPress and the versatility you can get with it. Also...I'm just vain as hell and wanted my own domain name. Vain in the sense that I like the aesthetic of having my own domain that didn't actually include my first name...like this one. (We all know how badly I hate "Leah Online" and wished I had never named my blog that.) I wish I had a better excuse than vanity such as...I have such huge public adulation that I was forced to move to a gigantic server that could handle all of the blog traffic without crashing. But alas, it's not so. I even lost all of my would-be porn searchers recently. So instead of over 800 hits a day from people looking for "Ugly Naked Women", I'm back down to normal. I'm not sad to see them go though. I had started getting emails from random men asking me for sex. (Okay that only happened once...but still it was weird.) So although I will try not to ignore the Old Blog, I'll be working hard to create something much more fun. So please get ready to change your links soon. (I know you're hovering over your blogroll right now in anticipation.)

The Cut and Run...

2006-03-03T00:21:00.000-05:00

So I have to ask...when is the best time to just turn around and run as fast as you can? I've never been quite good at knowing the "Best" time for that. With some ex-boyfriends (and people I casually dated) I probably cut out way to early and didn't give them enough of a chance. And then of course, there were a few that I held on much too long...most recent Ex included.

For the ones in which I held on too long, well....we all know why we do that. It could be for companionship, sex, laughter...or whatever that "thing" is. And for me, I think the few in my past have all been for different reasons.

But for the ones in which I cut out early...well the reasons are usually pretty much the same:

a seemingly drastic difference in lifestyle
they don't seem to want to actually spend any time with me (I need the face time people!)
they "definitely" want kids
they have some weird personality flaw that drives me insane

Those are pretty much the big four. The reason that I bring this up is b/c the person that I've gone out on four dates with now definitely seems to be exhibiting reasons 1 through 3. His entire life seems to be about bicycling, jogging, hockey, basketball and live music. None of which I'm particularly adept at (or wildly interested in). I mean don't get me wrong...who doesn't like a little live music once in awhile, but I don't get into it that much....and I CERTAINLY am not what any of my friends would describe as "sporty". If I were a Spice Girl....I would have totally been Smartass Spice or Act-a-Fool Spice....but definitely NOT Sporty Spice.

And well, all of you can understand why it's important for face time. I mean, seeing someone AT BEST once a week is just not enough when you're starting out. I'm lucky if we exchange emails once a week. That's annoying and makes me think that you're not really interested.

You see Mr. 4-Dates only exhibited the first two reasons until last night when suddenly we got on the "baby conversation". Now Internet, I must tell you that I avoid this line of talk like the bubonic plague. There are some things that I'd just rather not talk about in the first two months of dating someone, and those things are god, previous sexual encounters described in graphic detail (in fact that one can stay out forever as far as I'm concerned), and babies.

Starting the baby conversation generally never leads to anything good. Men that don't want babies don't ever seem to bring it up. Men that want kids and a "biological family" find a way to squirm it into a conversation. And this is what I met with over dinner last night. I found myself telling him that "I didn't want kids, ever." In response, I was met with a blank stare like I had just grown an extra set of eyes on my forehead. He rallied pretty quickly and said that I would change my mind when I truly fell in love with someone. He had this notion that people in love want to procreate and make little tiny versions of themselves to run around the house and smear poop on the sofa.

So here we are...at the crux of the matter. I don't feel the need to tell him the simple truth that I cannot bear his biological children. It's not that I don't want to have kids necessarily, it's that I've trained myself to believe that. It's the only way I can survive. And I don't know him well enough to spill those beans yet. So I keep my poker face, and know that it's just about time for me to do The Cut and Run again. Cut my losses, and just drop him. I've refused to respond to ads on match.com simply because they mentioned that they want kids....and this guy has 3 out of 4 of my usual reasons for splitting.

But the simple truth is that I'm tired of The Cut and Run. I actually like spending time with this guy (when we do spend time together). And he does seem to genuinely like me in spite of his lack of asking me out more frequently. (He actually worked up the nerve to kiss me last night...after the fourth date. It was cute actually. I'm wondering if he's not just shy about it?) So I bring this problem to you... When is your time to split? How do you know? I look back at some of the people that I left by the wayside and KICK myself now. Like WHAT WAS I THINKING?

But I have to admit that the whole kids thing freaks me out. I had a serious boyfriend who felt betrayed when I told him two months in that I couldn't have his kids. He made me feel so bad and yelled at me like I had lied to him...and he "couldn't believe I would keep this thing from him." So what...I took away his choice? Mine got taken away years ago is how I figure it. But nonetheless, the whole situation left me with a raw nerve on the topic and I don't feel like replaying that scenario again.

Plus, this guy does like to play sports all the time. So that's reason enough too right? *sigh*

I hate to admit it, but Dilbert makes a good point here

2006-03-01T19:59:00.000-05:00

This is definitely how work has been lately....

Check out this funny song....

2006-02-28T21:03:00.000-05:00

So over at Miss Domestic, Paige posted a song by her friend Paul, that she helped to produce. (I think I typed that right...it honestly took a few tries.) It's hilarious and called Jesus I love you. So stop what you're doing and go listen. (I just interrupted my own train of thought with "Stop what your doing...cuz I'm about to ruin, the image and the style that you're used to! I look funny! But yo I'm making money...." That's right. I know ALL the words to "The Humpty Dance" by heart. Don't be jealous.)

Photo Meme

2006-02-27T21:48:00.000-05:00

As soon as I read Bearette's Photo Meme, I felt compelled to post my own. But seeing as I saw her post during what I'm now referring to as my "Blue Period" (aka last Thursday & Friday when I was rebelling against society and comments), I'm going to post the Meme today. (P.S. Bearette, I really liked your photos. I just didn't comment b/c I was feeling all loser-ish.) Who am I? Who knows me best?

(Who can resist the lure of the Hulk Hands?)

(This is probably my favorite photo of all time. I think it profoundly changed my life.)

I always carry...

(Seriously....he goes just about everywhere with me. In this pic we were at Benetton shopping.)

Something I always do...

(Nasty habit....I know.)

My eyes are... My favorite material possession...

(It was a tossup with the ipod...but the lappy is the only thing that I get serious withdrawal from.)

To relax I like to... The city I live in is... My guilty pleasure is...When I first look at someone, I see... I think....is beautiful One thing I can live without... My life is...

(Only getting better all the time. And don't kill me for putting this pic up Steph! This gets you back for the ones you put up awhile back! Hehehe.)

Never look a gifthorse in the mouth...especially when the horse is Italian

2006-02-27T19:58:00.000-05:00

I think the gods decided that I needed a little Italian in my life. (And no, I'm not talking about Joe Pesci.) I mean...I think Zeus decided that I need a bit more pasta in my diet. A few more meatballs. Maybe a smidge more garlic...and an additional pinch of oregano. Because last night my friend offered to come over and cook me a "homecooked meal." Homecooked meal in his definition of the phrase doesn't just mean some spaghetti and red sauce either. (Which it kind of does in my book. Home-cooked implies it didn't come out of a box from the freezer.) Yes, last night my barely used kitchen was overrun with groceries from the both the Italian Market & Whole Foods...not to mention 2 bottles of Beaujolais from some wine & spirits shoppe (pronounced shoppy) from Jersey. I don't think I've seen that many groceries in months. Not to mention the fact that he's one of those people that leaves all the extras behind. So I still have two packages of fresh pasta, a jar of orange blossom honey, a whole package of mushrooms, 3/4 of a bag of fresh meatballs, a green bell pepper, a loaf of Italian bread, and an entire [large] jar of olive oil. Needless to say that the meal was fantastic though. I don't think I've eaten that much pasta (or bread...or cheese....or wine.....) in ages. And I've got loads of extra sauce to spare. (Anyone want leftovers? I froze the sauce and pasta so it would keep longer than a week.) Annnnnyways... so today, the last thing I could even think about was more Italian food. I left all the extras at home and bought my lunch at the job. But wouldn't you know that the Italian food gods really have it in for me b/c one of my business associates [from Italy] sent me a case of homemade cold-pressed olive oil from his olive farm outside of Florence. (Is that what you call it? An olive farm? Not something prettier like a "vineyard"? Not sure.) I have/had no idea what in the world I'd ever even do with that much olive oil. So I decided to share my good fortune and gave away most of it to my foodie co-workers. They really seemed to relish it. (Quite frankly, I don't know that I'll be able to tell the difference in this oil vs. the stuff I get at the Thriftway...but I'm interested to find out.) So here's a pic of the remaining two bottles of oil. I'm only going to end up keeping one bottle for myself. I'll pass this one along to someone else. Preferably someone who uses a lot of olive oil. Hehe.

The week-ender

2006-02-26T23:46:00.000-05:00

So this week ended up being much better than I would have hoped. I mean don't get me wrong...it started out pretty dumpy. I blame the wrongness of this week all on the scratched movie from Netflix. (It was a Six Feet Under disc from Season 3...just for your info.) You see it's like a little pebble that you roll down a big hill. At first it starts off really small, but by the time it's reached the bottom it's a big freaking deal and it's going really fast. Well, I was really disappointed about that whole scratched movie thing. Plus I was coming off the heels of no food for 5 days. Starting Wednesday, I began to get massive headaches everyday. (I can't blame Netflix for those....but I definitely blame "the cleanse" for it. As an aside: I realized that maybe cleansing my body of toxins wasn't such a good idea. I mean...I had to work for years to build up an immunity to all those toxins, and now I just flushed them all out of my system on a whim in what amounts to 8 days of insanity! What was I thinking?! And was this causing all the headaches?!) So after a barely escaping a mind-numbing migraine on Thursday, I decided to celebrate my mortality and try to salvage my week by going out to grab a drink at the local "kewl kid" bar. I must have had a neon sign flashing above my head "Single girl drinking alone!" b/c the cretins of the bar definitely decided to come over and offer their companionship. One of them decided he was going to "Guess my age". (This is a game that I don't suggest strange men play with a woman. Especially if their intent is to get laid.) Well, he guessed 32. Thirty-two!? This means that he actually thought I was more around 36 b/c everyone knows you don't overshoot on the guesswork! Argh!!! And then when I said "No, I'm actually 30." He responded with the ever present question [these days] "Have you ever been married?" I felt like punching him. But whatever. He was dumb. By the time that Friday rolled around...you all know how I was reacting by then to the headaches and stupid boys that kept popping up. But by god I was determined to go on. That night my friend and I were planning on going to a new restaurant to get some Mexican food. It's a cool BYOT (Bring your own Tequila) place that we had heard alot about. They don't normally take reservations, but wouldn't you know that Friday night was a special occasion and they were booked SOLID! I almost burst into tears... but thankfully I rallied, and we went to the place across the street. The place was packed so we had to wait for a seat at the bar...and while waiting a guy walks up to us and randomly says to me, "I like your red hair...but I could never date you b/c I also have red hair. We'd look like raggedy ann and andy." Ummmm....excuse me?! You're not even going to introduce yourself and THEN reject me?! You're preemptively rejecting me!? WHAT THE HELL?! And can I also note here that Mr. Rejection didn't have a freaking hair on his head (or even eyebrows really). So yeah, I'm getting told no by a pseudo-chemo patient. Ugh... that was it!!! I was through with Friday too. Friday night and I had officially broken up when I got yet another headache. So I had to go home early and it was only 10pm. But then Saturday came....things looked brighter. I didn't deal with anymore insane people... and actually got some painting done around the house. Overall, I'm feeling waaaay back to normal and hoping that this week is much better than last week. I don't want any more headaches this week. And no more stupid boys saying idiotic things this week. p.s. I watched the movie "Lord of War" tonight. It was really good (although I'd never admit it to my friend who forced me to watch it). It was gripping like "Requiem for a dream" and it just makes you sick to think that so many people die needlessly each day b/c of the violence that we inflict upon each other. If each person on this planet took more time to share, love, and respect one another, we would have a much more peaceful and sane world to live in.

And then the Red Sea parted.....

2006-02-25T19:46:00.000-05:00

And disaster was averted. Whew...I feel so much better after a good meal and a good friend showing up to show he cares and drag me out of my house and therefore my funk. Lots of laughing (at myself) ensued. And now I'm listening to a little disco & Prince remix to keep it real. (I'm sure you were all waiting with baited breath to hear about my wild mood swings, right?) At any rate, I'm feeling much less like a depressed sack-o-crap and more like ~~a human being~~ my normal self again. Alright...I've got to get ready to go to a birthday party of a person that I've only met once. (This is part of my plan to force myself out of doors.) I'll let you know how it goes...and hopefully have lots of funny stories to tell. I already have a few from the last two days.

All things yucky

2006-02-24T08:25:00.000-05:00

Ever feel like just packing it all in, closing up shop and calling it a day? I just feel like shutting down the blog. Abandoning the email accnts. Throwing the cell phone into the trash. Quitting the job. Locking the door to the house. Dropping Simon off with the Ex. And moving to deepest darkest Africa....never to be heard from again. Shitty, yes. Oh well. All things will pass. I can't wait for winter to be over.

This is just too cute not to pass along...

2006-02-23T20:31:00.000-05:00

I love Johnny Cash, and like any good American -- I grew up with Sesame Street. So this just appeals on so many levels. Love it!

Living vicariously

2006-02-23T07:53:00.000-05:00

So normally I'm a kid curmudgeon. (Those of you who know me are snickering right now.) For those of you who don't...you're probably thinking..."What does that mean?" Well, let's just say that I'm not generally the first gal in the room to volunteer to hold your newborn. Much less change a diaper or babysit. I get it from my mom, I think. She's naturally skittish when it comes to babies and kids too. I'm surprised she ever survived my potty training years. Her reticence with the youngins definitely explains why I'm an only child. I think she realized once she had me that dirty diapers were a necessary evil and swore off all kids after that. At any rate, I must have somehow gotten some of her fidgetiness with children by osmosis b/c even as a teenager -- I wanted to babysit for extra money...I just wasn't comfortable doing it. I always felt like people would know that I wasn't cut out for it. Like they could see that I had no natural knack. And so I tried to stick to 4 year olds and older. And then I gave it up altogether and got a "real job" as a waitress. I was 15. (And thus began my work life which hasn't stopped since. Ugh. I can't believe it.) Anyways...even throughout it all though there were just a few special kids that made me feel differently about the whole race of children. One's name was Ali. She was the most adorable little blonde 6 year old that I would sometimes babysit when I was 14. I wanted to put her in my backpack and take her home with me forever. She was just so damn perfect. (She grew up to be a druggie hellion though. Who knew?) And then there was Hannah. Again, I would have done anything for that kid. She was about 5 at the time and I just wanted to keep her as my own. My little cousins Stephanie and Jonathan are like that too. (Well, until Stephanie got too big for her britches and cursed out my mom. Now I refuse to see them b/c I can't believe they could be so disrespectful to family...and that my aunt/uncle did nothing about it or ever made her apologize. The girl is 12 for god's sake. She should know better.) But I digress.... So anyways....every once in awhile there's a kid that just makes me want to have one of my own. The problem is that I'd want to pick and choose. Y'know....I'd probably only want the ones that are scientifically proven (through strange Pavlovian tests perhaps?) to be fun, wily beyond their years, and at least 3 years old. A big request, huh? (Well....maybe I could relent. I'm still trying on this whole "okay-with-kids" suit for size. Let me do it slowly okay?!) So my latest obsession is my friend's little girl Caroline. She's got to be one of the most adorable kids I've seen in ages. (Don't take that as an insult to any of your kids....I just haven't seen their pictures. I'm sure they're precious too. You can even email their pics and attempt to change my mind about kids altogether.) Caroline's birthday was on the 21st and she turned three. (The magic number THREE!) And on her birthday, what did she ask her mommy to let her do? Vacuum!! I mean....oh my god. The kid wants to do chores. Bring her to my house and I'll take care of her...and let her do chores to her heart's desire. I just HEART this little girl. What an adorable face! :-)

(click the pic for the large size)

Look at those curls?!!!! My heart is melting.......... meeeelllllttttinnggg... Lauren, can I have her please?! :-) Who knows....maybe Simon and I will be adopting twin baby girls from pan-Asia after all? He'd be a rocking doggie Dad.

Lost show dog at JFK airport

2006-02-22T08:04:00.000-05:00

I know this story is several days old...but this is the first day I'm hearing of it. So I'm posting it now (because we all know how dog obsessed I am). I can't believe she got out of her cage at the airport. This morning on NPR I heard about it, and they said that every month 1 to 3 pets die at the hands of airlines. That completely freaks me out. And makes me very glad that Simon is just small enough to ride in the plane with me at my feet. Because if Delta lost my dog, I would probably go ballistic and start shooting people working behind the counter. (Okay...that's overly dramatic. But let's just say that I would go completely ballistic. Start cursing like a sailor in the throes of malaria. Lunge at whomever was in charge and grab their hair and then get arrested. That all seems highly probable. Especially the cursing part. I have a temper sometimes. I've been known to freak out on the phone customer service people for whatever fuckup they've done with my credit card/cell phone.) p.s. This morning is the first cup of coffee since last Monday. It's so freaking awesome that I want to take a bath in it. (It's illy brand. If you haven't tried it, then you must head straight to the store...local Whole Foods?...and get a can. I will have just changed your life. And you're welcome.)

Sometimes the boys....they scare me

2006-02-20T20:57:00.000-05:00

So I have to relay this dreadful ocurrence to the internet b/c well....this man deserves it. Here goes the story: (Leah sits down...clears her throat...sips her vegetable broth....and then plunges right in) So as all of you know, I'm a single gal. Now that doesn't mean that I'm desperately searching. Or really even looking at the moment period (in spite of all of my whining to the contrary). No....I've been pretty much holed up in my house like the secretive ~~hobbit~~ hermit that I am and not even looking for a man. (As I typed that I heard this strange Looney Tunes voice in my head that said.... "A Ma-un!") I mean don't get me wrong....again as some of you may remember, I definitely did my stint of the online dating thing several months ago. Alas it was to no success. My new way of meeting someone is sitting on my ass and doing nothing. I figure if someone walks up to me and smashes me on the head with charm and wit, then perhaps I'll see the light of day and fate/karma/the cosmos will have worked [for once] in my favor. But I digress... So all of this preface was to say that I'm not looking, and yet I'm one of the millions of members of myspace.com. (I know...I should hang my head in shame b/c myspace sucks.) But the thing is that tons of my friends are on it, and it's a way to keep up with a bunch of them...especially all the kewl punk rock kids from college that I'd otherwise never see or speak to. So yeah, I'm on it....but just for my friends. In fact, I didn't really get that people used it for dating. I certainly wasn't planning on it. And therefore when a seemingly normal gent popped out of nowhere with similar interests and appeared rather kindly...I answered his email. He seemed nice enough. He asked me out for coffee even. To which I surprised myself by saying yes. But as soon as I got to the coffee shop, I realized that this guy was NOT for me. Totally whiny personality. And nerdy in the I-just-played-Dungeons-and-dragons-online-all-day kind of way. (And I don't want any emails from you D&D lovers out there. I know a few...but I still think it's weird.) We had virtually NOTHING to talk about in person (and had honestly never really emailed that much online so I have no idea why I actually said yes to his invite) so the entire time I was with him on our coffee meet-n-greet, it was extremely awkward. After our awkward coffee, I gracefully bowed out early. I hoped he would "get the hint". Well, apparently not. He kept emailing me. Finally he asked me outright for a "Second cup of coffee." I politely responded with a very nice and relatively brief "No thanks. I'm just not interested. Best of luck on your search" or something to that effect. I was very nice and definitely tried not to hurt his feelings or anything. And do you know what I got back? A big fistful of CRAZY! I'll repost it here for your edification.... (Note that my comments are in red)

...it'd had been nicer if you said you weren't interested to me directly instead of through Tom, the myspace guy. (WTF is he talking about?) Well, I was definitely wrong thinking that you were the brave adventurous type of person you front in your profile. Those types at least have the guts to say it to someone. (I thought that is what I was doing!) And the funny thing is all it would have taken was a quick messagee reading "Not interested, sorry." (Again...that's what I sent him!) That doesn't even take the required guts it takes to A) do it in person (So I'm expected to meet up with him again just to tell him that I don't like him?) or B ) phone/email it to someone. (I don't have his real email or phone number!) But in the end, you're just a pretty gal that works retail. (I don't actually work "in retail" thank you very much! And I dislike the snide insinuation that it implies!) Pretty gets old when you're ignorant underneath. Thanks for sparing me the time of getting to find out how cowardly, shallow, and downright dull you actually are.

I mean really now? REally? REeeeeeeeaaaaaaaallllly!!!!!!! What kind of crazy person is this?! I didn't respond to him b/c quite frankly you never know what a lunatic is capable of. Is this what's left of single men out there? Where are the sane ones? Ones that don't live with their mothers and routinely dress up as Dr. Spock on Thursdays. Ugh. p.s. On a side note, this is my last day of liquid foods. I can't wait for some nachos, beer, brownies, fried chicken, red wine, guacamole, and all sorts of other yummy, crunchy mess starting tomorrow. Yay!

Great music to which you can shake thine bon bon - 80's style

2006-02-20T20:40:00.000-05:00

A little I-love-the-Nightlife this....and a little Prince ultimix that.... and top it off with a Dead-or-Alive cherry. Yummy! (All courtesy of Digital Eargasm) We all know Leah likey the remixes (especially 80's ones). I feel like I'm my own dance club at home. Yay! (And yes, I'm aware that I'm a dork....and I'm okay with that.)

It's been an action[?] packed weekend...so this post is long

2006-02-19T18:06:00.000-05:00

Okay...first let me start off by saying I was super depressed on Thursday and Friday (and hence the I'm-about-to-slit-my-wrists-b/c-I'm-single posts on those two days). The depression was probably set off a little bit by Valentine's Day...but wildly exacerbated by the fact that I have been on this body cleansing detox all week. Thursday and Friday were the first two days of the "5 day fast portion" and even though I had plenty of energy (suprisingly enough!), I guess my body wasn't all too keen on not having solid food. It's been hard, weird, and kind of amazing not eating solid food for 4 days now. (Meanwhile, just know that the three days prior M,T&W I had been lessening my food intake to get ready for the fast...in so much that by Wednesday night I had two tablespoons of rice and beans and two saltines for dinner.) So yeah...I have to say that I NEVER would have thought that I could make it 6 hours without a "real" meal, much less 4 days. So the fact that I'm not laying on the couch in utter agony is pretty freaking amazing. Anyways...to expound upon this (b/c Mike asked)...the fasting portion of the body cleanse is a liquid only diet. And only certain liquids are allowed.

water
organic apple juice with herbal additives
organic strained vegetable broth (at certain intervals only)

So yes, to answer your question...that's all I've had to ~~eat~~ drink for four days now. No coffee. No orange juice. No smoothies. And certainly no beer, wine, or fried chicken. Dammit. I am actually dying for something to eat. Not really b/c I'm hungry funny enough...but because I just want to eat something that tastes good. I don't know how anorexics constantly deprive themselves of the pleasure of food. Food tastes good, yo! And in other news...I went bike shopping yesterday. I'm dying for a new bicycle after having gone to Denmark and fallen in love with their favorite mode-o-transport. And as you know, I wanted to buy one while I was there, but you see....I'm a total bicycle idiot. Proof: Rather than listen to my friends and go to a bike shop (where the people are all scary and intimidating), I bought my last bike at Target. And it was a Huffy. (Need I say more?) I liked it b/c I liked the aesthetic...but it was a total piece of crap. Horrible to ride. And even though I thought no one would ever want to steal a $99 rusted bike from Target, apparently they did. It was locked on my porch and someone stole it. ("You just can't have nothing in this world!" to quote my grandmother.) So anyways...I rode my ex's bike several months ago, and I had so much fun on it. It made me immediately realize that my bike just sucked. Hard. And so I've been thinking about it ever since. And so yesterday I went around to a bunch of bike shops and found one that I think may be the right bike for me. I like the aesthetics and all the components, etc. (I was still a little intimidated to go for a ride in front of the bike shop ppl and the guy that went with me....so I figured I'll have to work up the nerve and go back alone.) At any rate, that's my own psychological issue... And without further ado... Here's the bike that I'd like to get. It's a Bianchi Milano. (For anyone who know anything about bikes that might be interested.) Seeing as how I know zip about bikes...I could really care less about the brand...which still means nothing to me....but the guy that went with me said it was a good bike and he approved. Anyways...the reasons that I like it are that it's a) utilitarian looking, b) simple to operate, c) well-made and has seven gears which is all that I'll probably ever need. The only thing that I'm not sure about is whether I should get it in all black or the more conspicuous (and WAY cooler mint / red combo)There are two schools of thought on this. First, I hate being conspicuous on a bicycle. For some reason I'm afraid that everyone is going to see me and laugh and think I look ridiculous. (I inherently know this is stupid...but still it plagues me.) Second, I figure if I have the black version that my neighbors will be less likely to think that I'm some "uppity hipster" -- which they already think. However, my several of my friends contend that it would be less likely to be stolen in the green b/c it's such an obvious color, etc. Anyone have any thoughts on this matter? And moving on from bikes...I went to see Capote last night. It was great. Definitely worth the hype. You should go see it. Phillip Seymour Hoffman never ceases to creep me out. And lastly, today I painted my tv room upstairs. I can't wait to finish so that I can post pics for everyone. I was tempted to do a little "in-progress" photo session today...but I'll wait until the dramatic end. Wheee!!! I'm so happy that it's not electric baby blue anymore. (Yes, I said ELECTRIC BABY BLUE.) Alright.... have a good evening. And thankfully for me, the depression wore off after the first two days sans food. Now I'm back to normal. Sort of. ;-P

Craigslist Missed Connections strikes again

2006-02-19T17:29:00.000-05:00

Seriously this is why I love Philly sometimes. How freaking awesome is this?

"Control the controllables"

2006-02-17T19:13:00.000-05:00

That's what my boss always says. I try to focus on that saying a lot and not let the daily grind piss me off or get me upset and frustrated. (Daily grind = work and random personal crap.) And recently I think that's sort of what I've been doing in my personal life... Example: one of the main reasons I wanted to go on this Body Detox thing is because it involves a 5 day liquid diet only fast. Unconsciously I think it was a way to be able to control something in my life when all the other stuff seems like it's going crazy...or not going anywhere at all (is more like it). Likewise, I've been obsessing over the house again. I'm thinking of buying a new sofa (again) and contemplating all the ways I could decorate my house. Obsessing over something like my weight, health, hair, house, dog or my car....takes my mind off my crappy single solitude. And I'm not saying this to sound all "poor pitiful me". Because those of you who know me irl know that mostly i'm a happy and [fairly] positive person... But even though I feel bad saying all this, I realize that most everyone does this to some degree. I mean... smoking....drinking....drugs....overeating....compulsive cleaning...over exercising... I dunno. Maybe we're all crazy. Anyways...I think I have too little food in me at this point to be witty or very thought provoking even. I've got a fair amount of energy considering this is Day 2 with no food (unless you consider two bowls of vegetable broth food - which I don't)...but I am definitely realizing that I'm a much more fun person when I've had some nachos and coffee. (Not necessarily in the same meal, mind you.) I can't wait until Tuesday when I can eat again. I'm actually starting to crave shit like cheesesteaks. Ugh.

Funny picture Friday

2006-02-17T19:08:00.000-05:00

Here's a little Hoff for your Friday pleasure...

Thoughts on singledom...

2006-02-17T07:33:00.000-05:00

It seems that everyone's mind is on "pairing up" lately. Literally every conversation that I've had with my friends (both guys and girls) has somehow been about who they're looking for.... who I'm looking for.... etc. I'm not sure if it's just b/c we passed through yet another Valentine's Day or if it's because of our age. Most people I know (including my ex boyfriend) are starting to feel the pinch. You know.... that feeling of "Oh shit! It's getting harder and harder to find someone that doesn't scrap the bottom of the DNA gene pool." And I have to say that online dating services really aren't great. At least not what I've been seeing. There was a Newsweek article this week that really put it nicely. A man was quoted as saying that everyone he met had some sort of "serious personality defect" like constant swearing, nervous tics, obsessive/compulsives, drugs... Yeah. I would pretty much agree with that, except that I did meet a nice men, but they just weren't attractive. They were sort of the bottom of the gene pool in looks. And I mean, shoot me if I'm also looking to be attracted to someone as well. And anyways...I've just been thinking about it alot lately as well. The only person that I'm interested in seems like it isn't going to work out....at least not any time soon....and that just seems typical. You know. Bad timing. I met him on the heels of a breakup. And now he's still dealing the drama of that. One of my older [and wiser?] friends told me to go ahead and tell him how I feel anyways...b/c that "on the rebound" shit is all crap. Her theory is that that's the best time to meet someone. I'm not sure how I feel about that....but whatever. Instead, I'll just try to get out my thoughts here. (Supposedly he doesn't read my blog anymore...so this will prove whether or not that's the case, won't it?) Oh well...if any of you know a nice, single...and not horribly disfigured man that's intelligent and witty...I know lots of single women that are all awesome and looking. *Ahem* Including me.

The Day that shall not be named.

2006-02-14T20:49:00.000-05:00

Thankfully my newest Netflix selections came in this evening....so I won't be sitting here alone doing nothing but twiddling my thumbs. Hell to the No! I'm going to be romancing myself with a little "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy". That's right mo'fo! Unlike all of the rest of you who are dropping like flies into the virtual vat of love, I'm here chilling by myself...just living it up. Don't be hating now... But since I am a good sport, I am going to post my favorite selection of Valentine's of the season. (I tried my hardest to figure out who to send some of the more obscure ones to...but some of these were tough!) Enjoy!

(Oh yeah...nothing like a little nasty for your Valentine's day!)

(Above and below are from the Law & Order: Special Valentine's Unit!)

(Toooooo true!)

(Yeah, it's not often you hear that one on Valentine's day!)

(I sent the one above to someone. However, I quickly felt all sheepish for having sent a sentiment saying "You're cute" so I reverted into my inner 3rd grader-boy and sent him the one below telling him he sucks. Nice. What a way to win someone over! For an encore I throw rocks at people.)

(Now we're talking about true romance!)

(How often have you thought that after meeting someone from online?)

Happy freaking Valentine's day...

2006-02-13T21:47:00.000-05:00

Since I won't be getting a Valentine's Day card from anyone tomorrow... much less flowers (or sex)... I'm sending myself a Valentine's wish right now. Here it is. Here. Below these words. Keep looking. "Thanks Leah! I like that card." (Yes, now I'm talking to myself - online - too. Oh well... we can't all be young and in love.) But seriously though, tonight I was talking to my friend about being single and over thirty. (Something I never thought I'd be, I might add.) We were both commiserating on the sad state of affairs (the "state" being the nonexistent one...) Whatever, I mean...I'm trying to be all blase about it, but really it just sucks. Everyone I know is either a) married, b) getting married, c) having kids, or d) at the bare minimum dating someone so that they can purport that they're on the road to lifelong coupledom. It's really hard to take.

Snowy days...

2006-02-12T11:34:00.000-05:00

It's all so pretty before it turns to grey slush...

It's only 3pm and already it's been an action packed day

2006-02-11T15:45:00.000-05:00

So first of all, let me say that I'm going to definitely have to start getting up early on the weekends b/c it's only 3pm and I've already had more action in these last 7 hours than all of the hours combined from Monday through Friday. I got up and went to the hair salon for a haircut. After shedding two inches of split ends and otherwise shaggy hair, I feel much better (and look better too). Then I decided to kill a little time in Center City at the Barnes & Noble. There's something about hanging out in a bookstore that just makes me feel like I'm doing something important. You know...that smug feeling of superiority that you get as you imagine all of the hungover people crawling into the McDonald's having their Egg McMuffin and shitty coffee trying to recover from last night's debauchery. I mean...what are YOU doing with your time? You're in the Barnes & Noble perusing the classics...like Silas Marner and The Good Earth. It doesn't really matter that you're secretly looking for Chick Lit by author's like (my favorite) Anna Maxted. Whatever! At least you're not still laying in BED! Ha! Those losers.... I love that smug feeling of being in the bookstore. I truly believe that is how Barnes & Noble has succeeded in becoming such a popular chain and surviving against their popular rivals like Amazon.com. Never underestimate the fact that they let you sit there in their in-house Starbucks and revel in your smug superiority as you drink overpriced (and bitter) coffee while reading their books for free. (All under the auspices of "trying them out".) I LOVE IT! Well, whatever...it works. And I bought three new books today. (Meanwhile, I'm still not even finished with the last book I bought -- Dave Eggers' A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.) The three new books I bought are: Brick Lane by Monica Ali, Welcome to Higby by Mark Dunn, and The Southern Belles of Honeysuckle Way by Linda Bruckheimer. The last two were on the bargain rack and caught my interest b/c they were by Southern authors. Oh well...we'll see. Anyways...then I decided to go shopping and found tons of great shit. Can I just take a moment to say that I'm glad that wide leg pants are coming back in style? I love a pair of pants that makes your ass and thighs look really tiny! Wheeeeee! I'm ignoring the other fashion that's in right now which is pegleg jeans [to tuck into your boots]. Mother always told me to steer clear of any fashion that accentuates your hips. Like any dutiful Southern daughter, I choose to listen to her [when it's convenient]. And lastly....to cap off my excitement packed day...I decided to go walking along the Schuykill River with Simon. We both needed a little exercise. And as I'm standing there waiting for my friend to show up...this guy walks up to me and starts filming Simon with his little personal videocam. I just figured he was some random tourist who was enthralled with Simon's beauty [and the fact that he was wearing a yellow doggie parka]. And as I'm standing there, this guy walks up to him and starts asking him questions. Well, it turns out that it was Frank Stallone. And about a few yards away was Sly himself!! So yeah...I got to [sort of] meet the Stallone clan as they were filming Rocky IV (or whichever number it is now). Sly said something like "Hey, little tyrannical dog." And that was about it. My brush with fame. The RAMBO-man was about 4 feet from me talking to MY dog! Hmm.... It would have been really funny if Simon had gone into ATTACK mode and started snarling and freaking out at him. Then I would say, "Sorry dude, but 'tyrannical' is his attack command." I would accidentally lose control of the leash and Simon would lunge for his jugular. Hehehee. I would be on the nightly news. Oh well...as it was....Simon just ignored him and wanted to sniff the nearest tree. Damn Dog! Why can't he work with me for once!

It's Crazy Picture Day (aka Friday)

2006-02-10T18:52:00.000-05:00

This photo proves that you should always check to see what's going on behind you when you take your family picture!! If you can't see what's going on, then click the pic for a bigger version. (Courtesy of my friend Jennikaz! Thanks J-kaz!) On a side note...I haven't felt much like writing lately. Sorry guys. Between trying to catch up at work, falling asleep early (jetlag still!), and trying to spend the rest of the time doing "quality" activities, I haven't had much time for internetting. We'll see if it gets better. At the moment I'm merely obsessing about my hair and weight (typical girl stuff) so it's not like most of you want to hear about it anyways. I heard the majority of you guys' deafening silence when I asked for hair tips in my last post. Don't worry....no harm, no foul! But other than that...my love life sucks...and I don't necessarily like to talk about it. The only guy that I'm remotely interested in is telling me to "check out other guys"....so yeah....good times, Party on Garth!

Hair implosion....

2006-02-08T06:28:00.000-05:00

*Any boys reading this...please know that I'm about to have a girly moment. No apologies* Ugh...I'm having some seriously bad hair days recently. I'm not sure if it's due to all the traveling (and being sick), but my hair is definitely the worse for wear. I have (gasp!) split ends! And plus, even though I hit my roots with a little touch-up coloration before I left...you certainly wouldn't be able to tell it now. Lastly....and definitely worstly....I'm shedding hairs like....well....like I had hairs to shed! I mean...those of you that know me will know that I wasn't blessed with super lustrous gorgeous thick hair like my friend Lost. (That's right girl...I'm calling you out on your perfect hair. I'm so jealous! Love ya!) And therefore, for me to be losing more than my normal 10 (or so) hairs a week...I'm freaking out. So if any of you know any "hair tricks"....you know....to keep it "long-n-strong" or "healthy-n-luscious"....then pop me some comments. I want to know what your hair secrets are! WHat were your grandmothers? Do any of you do any of those weird home remedies like wash your hair in beer? Slather peanut butter on your head? (I made that one up.) Or anything else? My mom has all sorts of home remedies for everything else, but I won't trust her for hair tips. Hers is worse than mine. And I know you will tell me to talk to my hairstylist about it, but she always tells me my hair is healthy and beautiful and that I'm losing no more hair than what is normal.....but that girl doesn't live inside my hypochondriac brain....so I don't trust her opinion. Alright...hit me with your best hair stories! :-)

Don't call it a comeback! I been here for years!

2006-02-05T16:48:00.000-05:00

So. Yeah. I'm. Baaack. A little jetlagged maybe, but none the worse for wear. And I have to tell you that I had a buh-last while I was gone. It was good for me to get out there and go it alone too. It gave me thinking time. While I was away I came up with some To Do Lists. They're [obviously] not complete yet (and far from life-changing), but I thought I'd post some of the things that I decided that I wanted to accomplish. Places I want to see before I die: 1. India 2. Nepal 3. New Zealand 4. Argentina 5. Niagra Falls 6. Grand Canyon 7. Montana Wilderness 8. somewhere in deepest, darkest Africa 9. Iceland 10. some island where there's super-clear water and snorkling. Particular island is unimportant. Things to get done/change about myself/etc in the near future: 1. Get a goldfish (I did that one today...and her name is Janet. She's very sulky in her new bowl though. So I can officially strike number one off the list.) 2. Get a stuffed [taxidermied] bird. Preferably a fancy chicken. In fact this was spurred on by this particular store in Paris. [Deyrolle Store] Oh, and yes, I realize that this is a controversial desire. You'd have to have been in that store. It was so beautiful. It may not seem so from the pictures, but it was absolutely lovely. Very serene and gorgeous. I could have stayed in there for hours. 3. Break out of my "Creature of Habit" routine by forcing myself to drive different routes, eat in different restaurants, do different activities, etc. 4. Start a new workout routine. 5. Travel more often. 6. Look into buying rental property (Maybe I'd like being a landlord? Wouldn't hurt to look into it.) 7. Make art. 8. Live a life of... No. Fear. (And not the bumpersticker kind that was popular in the late 90's.) 9. Buy a new bike. (Preferably a utilitarian one like this.) That's it....and the list needs to keep growing obviously. But I had a good time. And here's my favorite pic of Copenhagen.

Everyone wants a "slutspurt"

2006-01-31T17:18:00.000-05:00

Yeah...I'm in the fabulous capitol of Denmark. Kopvnhagn....or otherwise known to you non-Danish speakers as Copenhagen. This trip has been fun so far. I'll briefly summarize in bullet points (b/c this internet cafe is costing me some serious Kroners at the moment)...

Hung out with my boss(es) in London. Looked at antiques and artwork. And a little bit of furniture here and there. It was fun all around. Went to the Battersea Decorative Arts Fair...and it wasn't nearly as good as it normally is. Had some dinners at pubs and drank lots of coffee. Woo hoo.
Went to the South of France and stayed in the lovely city of Avignon. Walked around, saw the Pope's Palace and saw lots of art and various other tidbits.
Went to Paris...more constant hanging out with the boss(es), but this time more co-workers [that I'm also friends with] tagged along and so we went out at night to see Montmarte, the Moray, a gay bar with a shower stall for your viewing pleasure, and various other this and that.
Now I'm in Copenhagen as mentioned above and so far I've just pittered around some. Seen some beautiful this and that...and tomorrow I'll be doing more of the same. I'm feeling the worst that I have so far though. Bad sore throat...

However, the best part of Kopvnhagen is that all the stores are having major Udsalg right now. (Sales). In fact, if you're lucky, you can catch stores that are having Slutspurt. (Big sales!) Everytime I go out and see signs for Slutspurt, I almost die laughing. It just never gets old.

Also, for the first time in this trip I'm using a keyboard that is ALMOST like an American keyboard. The only main differences are these few keys....(which I've been very eager to use).

ø æ å ¤

LOVE it.

I'm silly...I know it. But at least I'm not a slutspurt. (I'm hoping to buy a new Danish bicycle on Udsalg though! If I do, I'm hoping the airlines will let me bring it home as my baggage! Check out these awesome Danish bike sites.)

Update: Here's a pic of one of the slutspurts!

The London Portion

2006-01-23T17:09:00.000-05:00

So, I've always wanted to move to London...and one of the obvious ways to do that is find someone to marry and move here for a visa. Good plan, right? Well, when I arrived yesterday morning, the immigration officer asked me what I was doing here. I responded that I was doing a little bit of shopping and then off to Paris for business. He then asked me if I was meeting anyone here? I said, "Yes I'll be meeting some associates here." So then he commented, "Oh, but not a boyfriend?" (I thought this was rather strange...especially since he was around 65 years old.) But whatever....I was rolling with it. So I said..., "Well no I'm single, but I do love British men, so if you know any that are available, I'd love to get married and move here." And the immigration officer's response was, "Well, I'm available... but I suppose I'm too old, huh?" I chuckled and said..."Well, maybe not." Hahaha. Interesting. Maybe I've found my surefire way for a work permit/visa after all. And on a side note, I ran into Jamie Olive (aka the Naked Chef) at an antiques store today. He's quite a cutie in person.

Man, that movie was Dyn-o-mite!!!

2006-01-20T23:07:00.000-05:00

Well, I have to admit that I tend to be behind the times. You know...like when everyone else ~~thought unicorns were cool, and I was all into pegasus. But then I got into unicorns after everyone else had already moved onto gnomes~~ ummmm, no....~~bought those "Hammer" pants~~....crap! Ok, so I really don't have a good analogy [that I'm willing to share]...but I do tend to be late on watching everyone's favorite movies. Especially the ones that I "definitely must see!" It was only this past week that I saw Goodfellas for the first time. (I know...I know. You can all leave me hate comments.) And likewise, I'm only JUST tonight gettting around to watching Napoleon Dynamite for the first time. It's been on my list of things to do for awhile. Y'know...like filling my bathtub up with chocolate pudding and eating my way out or getting Simon gold caps for his teeth. (Some things you just never get around to.) Anyways....I loved Napoleon Dynamite! And I realize that this is not news to all of you who totally expected me to love this movie...but seriously. HOW FREAKING FUNNY are Pedro and Kip? They were my two favorite characters. And did anyone else think that La Fawnduh was a man in drag? ~~His~~ Her parents at the wedding even looked like two men. I kept thinking that Kip was about to have a BIG surprise when he got off that wedding dress.... hehehe. Likewise, Kip provided my favorite line in the movie: Uncle Rico: We also need some way to make us look official, like we got all the answers. Kip: How bout some gold bracelets? I mean shit yeahhhhh! How bout some gold bracelets man?! He's on the right track. That will totally make me look official. If I wear gold bracelets to work, then maybe my boss will be thrown off by my bling and I'll get a raise.... and a company car.....and a houseboy to do my laundry. Hmm..... gold bracelets..... (But I digress) Pedro was my second favorite. It was just his overall lackluster personality that won me over. That and the cute Mexican accent. (Right Steph! You know what I'm talking about!!) Anyways.....on a sad note... I'm going to be headed away tomorrow for two weeks. For work and vacation. And therefore the blog-world you know as Leah Online (I really hate that name....why in the world did I name my blog that?!)....will be tended to only sporadically. I don't know how much posting I'll be able to do with my extremely limited internet access... But we'll see. In the meantime, vote for me so all your wildest dreams will come true. (I don't know where you're going to vote...which election it will be. But WHATEVER it is....just vote for me. I mean it!)

Fab Four Meme

2006-01-20T00:19:00.000-05:00

(copied from La Vida Loca and Bearette) Four Jobs I've had in my life:

Six Flags
Cashier at a liquor store
Telemarketing (inbound calls though!!)
Sales manager at Macy's (I managed ladies shoes, handbags, jewelry, and housewares at various times.)

Four places I have lived:

Almeria, Spain
Athens, GA
London, UK
Macon, GA

Four TV Shows I love to watch:

Law and Order: SVU
Divorce Court
Law and Order: Criminal Intent
Random re-runs

Four places I have been on vacation:

Panama City, Panama (the Panama Canal isn't very exciting)
Fort Lauderdale, FL
Burlington, VT
camping in West VA

Four websites I visit daily:

Four favorite foods:

Chocolate chip cookies
Nachos
Raw spinach
Avocados

Four Movies I could watch over and over:

Love, Actually
Office Space
Dirty Dancing
Bull Durham

Four Places I'd rather be right now:

Boston, MA
South Africa
Argentina
New Zealand

Roll Bounce....

2006-01-18T23:32:00.000-05:00

I just got finished watching Roll Bounce....and d.a.m.n. i want to go rollerskating soooo bad. I don't know what happened to the roller rink in American pop culture...but we need to bring it back NOW! Cruising around the floor in your best gear listening to some sweet tunes. Oh SNAP! Who's with me?!

Every once in awhile celebrities make me feel so normal and good about myself

2006-01-17T20:50:00.000-05:00

After watching the Golden Globes last night, my snarky inner monologue snapped out of it's coma. Generally, I'm a huge fan of the beautiful actresses and actors that light up the silver screen... but I must admit that something must be in the air b/c everyone looks horrible these days. Whatever it is, it's definitely makeing me feel good about my dumb problems

At least I'm not plastic-looking and dating Michael Bolton. I mean....MICHAEL BOLTON!

Hahah! Jonathan Rhys-Meyers girlfriend's dress is about to fly away! Hehehee. Toooo funny. How many times have I embarrassed myself in public? Jaime Pressley's big white chicklet teeth scare me. Plus she looks like she smeared herself with "Burnt Sienna" Crayolas prior to putting on her dress. Completely unnatural! Makes me like my teeth!!

And what's up with men with bad hair? Here is an example of two previously very good looking actors who've succumbed to heinous hair. WTF? Even celebrities have bad hair!

Now we all know that I'm a BIG Mariah fan, but whoa nelly! Has she looked in the mirror lately? I mean, she looks AWFUL. She's a big girl...and that's okay....but don't dress like you're a 21 yr old Playboy bunny. Even MC can falter in her diva "perfection"...

Lastly, I could seriously dedicate an entire post to how much Renee Zellweger annoys me. (In fact this post started as a diss on Renee...but then I found all those other pics too... and I mean, I like a lot of her movies, but she seriously just annoys me as a person.) My first problem with her is that she ONLY wears Carolina Herrera gowns. Why not some Chanel? Balenciaga? Escada? Gucci or Prada for god's sake?! Take a freaking risk! She obviously doesn't want to risk getting featured on GoFugYourself. And because she is playing it so safe...that makes me dislike her. I mean, I don't like people who always dress awful like Chloe Sevigny or Kirsten Dunst, but at least they're human! They sometimes look like poop! It's boring and seems needy for her to never take a risk.

My second problem is the woman NEVER smiles. (click on all the pics above to view larger images. SEriously! No Smiles!!!) She must have a serious complex about her teeth or something. She always looks trully annoyed and/or constipated in every picture. And let's face it....how awful could her life be? She's rich, famous, and hanging out with other rich and famous people. Hey Renee: You're life is pretty great. Smile for us. Make us think you're having a good time! That's why you make the big bucks.

Confessions of a closet hypochondriac

2006-01-16T21:37:00.000-05:00

I don't often discuss the invisible maladies that are "attacking" me because in the words of my mother, that would give them a chance to become reality....and of course, I want to deny that anything is wrong at all costs. Aside: My mother is a big believer in speaking things into existence. She's drilled that into me my entire life. It's almost become as big of a superstition as the illnesses themselves. I therefore hope that my writing about them is not the same as talking about them. But I blame her too....every time I sneeze she tells me to take more vitamins. She also loves to recount how she hated for me to play outside as a child b/c she was afraid I would get "dirty" and get sick. (No wonder, I'm messed up.) At any rate, I live in a constant state of analysis of my state of health. And these are just a few of the things I've been worrying about lately....

Did my heart just palpitate erratically? Perhaps I have a heart murmur. Maybe I should just lay here and see if it happens again.
Is that a post-nasal drip that I feel in the back of my throat? Am I getting the flu again? I'll drink more orange juice to slam my body with Vitamin C.
Did I just get a headrush when I bent over just now? Maybe it's an aneurism. What can I do to stave off an aneurism?
Why is my rib hurting when I breathe in? Did I crack a rib? Maybe it's cancer... Everyone is telling me it's a pulled muscle from coughing so much, but what if it's really something worse.
Why can't I remember [insert random word here]? Am I getting early onset alzheimers? I'm sure that's quite rare....and probably isn't affecting me. Right?
I haven't poo'd since this morning....maybe my colon isn't working properly.

I'm sure I could think of more...if only my memory weren't so crappy.

Urgh....Post traumatic alcohol hangover

2006-01-14T13:11:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am recovering this morning from a nice lil hangover thanks to the fact that I imbibed 2 vodka tonics and 4 cosmopolitans last evening. But whatever....I'm not ashamed.... I needed to celebrate the fact that I'm finally over my bout of the coughing sickness. My recovery process this morning involves much net surfing, Lynryd Skynryd, lots-o-coffee, grits n' eggs, Excedrin Migraine, and a little O.J. just for the Vitamin C. However, due to the fact that my brain is too busy trying to help flush out toxins from my body...I'm probably not the best blogger this a.m. But so as not to disappoint you....I'm posting my newest cute photo of Simon asleep on the couch taken two nights ago.

damn that dog is cute

Life in a Northern Town....

2006-01-13T20:29:00.000-05:00

Why doesn't someone pay me to drink vodka tonics for a living? Just wondering....b/c I think I'd be awfully good at it.

The Notebook

2006-01-12T22:29:00.000-05:00

Yes, yes....I know you've all read it. But this is the second time in five days that I'm sobbing like a damn 12 year old who's bicycle just got stolen b/c of "The Notebook." It started this weekend when I was at Barnes and Noble with my friend J who suggested that I read it. Well seeing as how it's only 200 pages, it took me no time to read it. And later that afternoon I was bawling my eyes out on the couch. Well of course, I couldn't help but Netflix the movie version as well. (I'm no fool...I've seen the lead actor!) And although the movie is not quite as heartwrenching as the book, the film version was excellent as well. (Let's face it....nothing could rip at your heart like the actual novel.) So anyways I just got finished watching Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams fall in love and break my heart onscreen. OH. MY. GOD! And of course, the inevitable question arises.... Why doesn't love happen like that in real life? I mean [my true love] Simon NEVER takes me on canoe rides to look at millions of swans. What's wrong with him? I suppose he's not very good at paddling. (Unless it's dog paddling.... *ba dum bump*) But seriously...*insert leah wiping tears*...that movie was awesome and I'm just a stupid girl who's holding out for her "Noah". I've decided that nothing short of amazing will do. I've stopped trying to meet anyone altogether b/c when (and if) my "Noah" ever shows up, then hopefully the stars will just line up and everything will work out...and/or he'll have to hit me over the head. Hopefully he'll look like Ryan Gosling too. (I mean...as long as I'm putting the vibe out into the cosmos...it may as well be a cute vibe.)

I'd love to tell you something about me, but instead I'll review a movie....

2006-01-10T19:35:00.000-05:00

Other than having a nice surprise visit from my friend Boxmonster yesterday evening...not much else has been going on in my life to talk about with you guys. (I know...you're all disapointed.) And so since I'm not going to talk about me, I figured I'd tell you all about the movie I saw last night. Basically, my friend convinced me to go see the movie Match Point. It's the new Woody Allen flick. I had sworn off ~~Soon-Yi's Dad/Husband~~ Woody altogether because of the SERIOUS disappointment with everything he's put out in the last 10 years. It was a tooth and nail struggle to get me to agree to see it at all, but in the end.... It wasn't that bad. Shockingly. So I'll give you my take on it. The highs and lows. Highs:

Scarlett Johannssen is great to look at. You can't go wrong when you cast her in something. Watch out for the gratuitous half-naked baby oil scene.
The movie didn't dip into a typical Woody Allen "formula" or feel similar to one of his previous movies. For this I'm truly grateful. There were no moments when someone broke into song....or started speaking to the camera directly....or did any kvetching.
The storyline had a nice twist.
Loved the settings, character developments, etc. They were well thought out and drew me in.

Lows:

I didn't like the up-close camera shots of the two main actors. It made them constantly look sweaty with REALLY bad skin. When you make Scarlett Johannssen look other than perfect, you're doing her [and us] a disservice. And the main guy just looked like a grease pit. At times this played into his character, and at other times it was just disconcerting.
The dialogue seemed a little stilted and forced in places. Like there had been last minute changes...or the characters were ad-libbing. Kind of weird and unnatural. I felt like I was watching SNL in a few scenes.
The overall theme of the movie, although nothing like any Woody Allen movie I've ever seen, still felt familiar. It seemed as if he looked at a bunch of different movies we've all seen (but I won't mention or it gives away the movie's ending) and then came up with his own version. I was a little bummed about this.

My overall opinion of the movie is that it's good, and that it's worth seeing....as a matinee or in your Netflix queue. (I wouldn't pay full price for it.) And although it's the best Woody Allen movie to come along in quite awhile, it's still not one of his best movies. He is officially off my shitlist though. So if that's a standing ovation for Woody, then let's all raise our glasses and toast. I realize the other critics are scowling at me in fury (because this got 4 Golden Globes or something)...but dude...I only speak the truth.

Great mix to not miss out on....

2006-01-08T15:25:00.000-05:00

Digital Eargasm found yet another great one. Get it now.

Every man's dream...

2006-01-07T18:55:00.000-05:00

The Man Remote

p.s.

2006-01-07T02:00:00.000-05:00

I took a serious "maximum strength" cough syrup this evening....and it's supposed to make me sleepy. However, it seems to have the opposite effect. It's 2am and I'm wide awake. And there's a seriously drunk woman sitting on my neighbor's front steps shouting drunkenly and banging on something. WTF?!

An Ode to the Men of Asian Persuasion

2006-01-07T01:05:00.000-05:00

So, I have a little secret. ...I think Asian men are hott. Most men I know are all into the Asian ladies....such as Michelle Yeoh and Ziyi Zhang. But whatever...I mean, they're hot too, but.....let's face it, no one's giving enough credit to the Asian men. They kick complete ass. Literally. You see it all started when I saw Karate Kid Deuce. Back when all the other girls were dying over Ralph Macchimpanzee doing his famous crane drop-kick (and yes, I searched for a google image of that), I was crooning over his bitter arch rival Yuji Okumoto. My 12 year old self loved that sneer. Those manly muscles. The angry ass-whipping he handed out to that Ralph-kid wearing the bandanna. It was hot. And it got my pre-pubescent blood boiling. Nothing could ever quite quell my secret passion for Yuji. Until I saw Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon that is. And then my love burned brightly for Chow Yun Fat. How totally sweet did he look all the while kicking some serious kung fu butt in linen robes?! I actually shed tears in the end when he dies. What could ever be more poetic and beautiful? Well, nothing until I saw Tony Leung Chiu Wai in Hero. I mean....c'mon girls. How hot was he in that movie?! All badass with the hair... His name was BROKEN SWORD for god's sake?! How can you not think that's hot?! (If you haven't seen this movie. You must head straight to your nearest Hollywood Video and rent it. It's aweseome. And beautiful.) Well, tonight ladies a new man moved into my heart's dojo....Yes, Mr. Ken Watanabe stole my heart in Memoirs of a Geisha. Yeah, I'd seen him in The Last Samurai with Tom Cruise, but I hate the Cruiser so much that I could barely concentrate on anything else. But I digress.... All I can say about the actual movie Memoirs of a Geisha is that I love Ziyi Zhang, but I can understand the controversy of putting a Chinese actress in the story of a Japanese geisha. It's kind of like casting a British woman to play the classic Southern belle Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind. Oh wait. David O. Selznick did that. Hmm....no wonder people were pissed. Her accent wasn't anywhere near that of a true Southern belle. And I should know. I also disliked the fact that the geishas virtually never wore the actual traditional geisha makeup. That's part of the whole mystique for chrissake!!! But whatever....at the end of the day I got to see a hottie guy looking all cute. And his character's name was "The Chairman". I like that. I'm going to store that one away for future use. -"Hi Betty. You'll never believe...I have the hottest new boyfriend." -"What's his name?" -"I dunno. I simply call him 'The Chairman'." (But don't worry all ye men that aren't Asian hotties. I have enough room in my heart for you all.)

Okay....this post is going to be short and sweet

2006-01-06T19:06:00.000-05:00

I realized I'm a disorganized lazy butt today. Well, I already knew it....but today I accepted it as fact. I'm working on changing that. Y'know...like everyday. But dammit it's hard. (I like to think that brilliance just wears me down and I have a hard time keeping up with it all.) I also decided that it's definitely Copenhagen for vacation. I don't know how I decided that. It was very spur of the moment. That's how I like to be these days....spur of the moment. (I can't think of the word that means SOTM so if you can remember it, please post it in my comments. And yes, I realize that I'm retarded.) Lastly, I decided to just let things happen more. I worry alot about shit and TRY to plan...but it never works out....so like my decision to be SOTM above...I'm deciding to plan less in all aspects. And also stop looking for specific outcomes. I realized you can never predict anything these days. Alright...I'm outta here to go watch "Memoirs of a Geisha". I'll have to give a full report later.

The TV and I made up.

2006-01-05T07:15:00.000-05:00

For awhile there we had broken up and weren't speaking. I had officially banished it to the ~~castle tower~~ guest room unplugged. But now, I've decided that it's okay to pull it back out. Now it resides in my bedroom and I fall asleep watching it in bed. (Of course, that usually means I wake up to it too...but whatever.) It's nice to have it back. Now I can say I know about things that are happening in popular culture like two kids getting shot to death in North Philly. Now I know.

Funny (and true) shit on Craigslist....

2006-01-03T22:06:00.000-05:00

This pretty much sums up the state of postings from Philadelphians on Craigslist. Too funny. (Link)

Still feeling like a donkey kicked me in the head...

2006-01-03T20:11:00.000-05:00

Okay, so that might not accurately describe which parts are in pain, but still I think it describes the bitter agony I'm in. (Okay, I'm totally over-dramatizing this....so sue me. I'm allowed to wallow in my fatigue and mild discomfort.) I did go to the doctor this morning and it turns out that I don't have bronchitis. I have a strep infection in my EAR! Hmmm..... didn't know that could happen. All the coughing is happening b/c of the drainage from my ear down my throat. (Kind of gross... huh?) The infection is causing low grade headaches, fatigue, twitchy spasms, chills, and of course, the coughing mania. Luckily I don't have a sore throat though....which is by far the worst part of being sick. If I don't have a sore throat, then I usually consider myself a lucky gal. That means I don't have to do things like "gargle salty water". (Aside: Gargling salty water is my mom's cure-all for just about anything. It's right up there with Alka-seltzer. I'm sure if I came home with a broken leg my mom would offer me one of those two solutions...and possibly a little Echinacea as well. She means well. But I hate salty water and despise the alkaseltz. There's nothing worse than the plop plop fizz fizz.)

It's a New Year and I learned a few lessons so far...

2006-01-02T18:54:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh...The passing of another 365 days. It makes us all look at how many tic marks we've accumulated and take stock of what we've accomplished thus far. (I mean...after the champagne toasting and kissing absolute strangers, of course. Not that I did the second thing, mind you.) Being in Georgia this past week with my family and friends (both old and new) was really invigorating. Sometimes being here...alone in Philly....makes me forget that there are tons of people out there that care about me. And sometimes I even take the people here for granted and just get into a rut of self-pity. That's been going on alot recently. So in an effort to be introspective (not something that I like doing much anymore), I'm going to list the things I learned while I was gone and add in some "resolutions" if you will. In no particular order.

Lemon Gatorade + real lemons tastes like actual lemonade...and is good for you when you're sick. This just happens to be on my mind b/c I'm sick. And I thought it a useful tip for anyone else out there.
Being single or being with someone really has the most to do with Timing. I ran into so many great friends both single and in-a-relationship this past week...and was reminded that there was no difference between any of them. They ALL rocked. The single ones didn't have a third eye or a gimp leg. They were all amazing. The only difference is that the single ones are still waiting on Timing.
Athens, Ga is the best place on Earth. I knew this when I lived there, but for some reason I felt as if I needed to move away somewhere else. But seriously...it's a little utopia. I may never live there again, but my heart will always belong to it.
Some of the happiest people I know aren't necessarily the hardest working. Those people know how to take time to play and enjoy their friends. That is something that I am determined to do more of in the upcoming year... b/c when you die, success won't be measured in how many hours you put in every week but by how many friends and family members show up to your funeral.
Never get light colored luggage. It gets all dirty from the baggage machinery at the airport. (Just another tip.)
A dog is also a girl's best friend.

I'm looking forward to 2006. Last New Year's Eve, I had the impending sense of doom that my relationship with The Ex needed to (and was going to) end. And I was right. It needed to, and it did. Last year was a struggle. But I feel like this year is going to be better for some reason. And I don't feel like sweating the small stuff anymore. So I'm going to resolve to worry less. Plan less. Obsess less. And stop whining about being alone... I realized that as long as you have friends, you are never truly alone. Oh, and I'm going to cut myself more slack too. No one looks good in every photo.

Great videos to waste an afternoon with...

2006-01-02T11:39:00.000-05:00

Seeing as how I'm laid up with a bronchial cough that would break the spirit of even Crouching Tiger and/or The Hidden Dragon, I'm digging around on the internet to amuse myself. (Aside: So what's new, eh? Well, actually I'm considering plugging back in the TV. Big shocker! I had a lovely time at mom's house watching bad tv. It's the perfect pasttime for a bleak Philly winter. And theoretically I could do it while internetting. Y'know...multi-tasking. On second thought...that really does push my laziness up to the next level. So I think I'll just listen to music instead. It's kind of like exercising. Sort of.) Anyways...here's a selection of the great vids I ran across this morning. Enjoy.

The Gathering - Why didn't I find this before Christmas?! So mad at myself.
Two Swedish girls on the Piano - Seriously, the clapping is almost more than I can handle.
All the Guitar Tricks Possible - All I'm saying is that SOMEBODY at Metalsome Monday better start doing the guitar on the head thing ASAP. That shit it hott.
Dumbass trying to do a Stoppy - Man, I hate these guys. So this really cracks me up. It could only be funnier if a guy on a Harley was attempting this. (I realize that breaks the laws of physics, but still it would be funny.)
The Ultimate Showdown - Can I get a HELL YEAH!! (...But where are the Ninja Turtles?)
Cha vs. The Wall - This is what is happening to kids these days.
Conan's 2005 in Review - I had to view this in I.Explorer...it's good though
Some asian girl? - Yeah...I guess I can understand the "Asian fascination" that some men have after watching this clip. (NSFW)
The Best Mastercard Commercial Ever - Love it.
Trunk Monkey (upgrade optional) - Why doesn't my car have one of these?
Biker Slapping His Ass - It wouldn't be a list of vids if I didn't add this one which is one of my recent favorites. Love a man in leather.

Extended journey...

2005-12-30T09:08:00.000-05:00

So for all ye internetters who've been ~~waiting for my next post with baited breath~~ searching for porn on the ineternet and somehow landed here on my website, I thought I'd give you the update of my sojourn in Georgia. *Drumroll* I'm having WAY more fun here than I thought I'd be having. Who knew?! It's kind of like all my friends converged on Atlanta at the same time....and I just don't want to leave. So I decided that I would change my ticket and stay until New Year's Day. It cost me only $13 to change my ticket! (Go Air Tran!) Even my mom has been pretty fun....and we've been arguing slightly less than normal. She's been channeling her inner child recently, so she wanted to go see Narnia yesterday. It was a nice diversion for the afternoon. Then the Ex called to wish me a belated Merry Christmas. It was actually nice to speak with him. We chatted for over an hour. And I was really glad that we're able to remain friends. Not many people can do that. I feel lucky that we can. The only thing bringing down my stay is a gross itchy scratchy that's hit my throat. I'm trying to lay low today so that I can really kick it out tomorrow night. (No, I don't really know what that means...so don't ask?!) Anyways...I think the cough medicine is affecting my writing abilities this morning b/c it's taken me 45 minutes to write these few measly paragraphs. And they're far from stellar...don't hold it against me. I'm going to retire for the day and finish up my stint with Regis and Kelly. (I'm enjoying watching television while here. I don't watch any tv at home, and so when I'm around it I turn into a tv drone that watches anything including crap like "Judge Mathis" like it was the newest Tennessee Williams re-make.) Oh well...Divorce Court is going to be coming on soon, I'd better start getting ready.

Ummm....I know times are hard, but S.E.R.I.O.U.S.L.Y.

2005-12-25T20:00:00.000-05:00

Okay...I went down to visit my uncle and his family just now. (And as an aside, we ended up watching "Avenging Angelo" starring Sylvester Stallone and Madeline Stowe. I found myself drawn into it and actually mildly attracted to Rocky.) And let me describe my uncle. He's a man of FEW words. He's probably said a total of 100 words to me in my lifetime. And so, I found it rather humorous that in the middle of the movie, he turned to me and said..."Would you believe that I was on the internet yesterday and found a story about a man who has sex with cows?" Ummm....No, I wouldn't believe it. That you were on the internet...and that you're talking about it now. But anyways... I dug up the story...and sure enough...here it is. Man has sex with cows So all I have to say is this: I realize that times are hard. And it's difficult to find someone these days. BUT DAMN! Two to four times a week with an animal!!!?!!! WTF?!

Fa la la la la...

2005-12-25T15:46:00.000-05:00

Well, I hope everyone else is enjoying things like turkey, ham, yummy vegetables and all the fixins'. Maybe you're even having some cake, pie or something homemade and fattening. Me? Well, we made some Chef Boyardee boxed lasagne (Yeah, that's what I said.) and I'm having some honey roasted peanuts and a Coke Zero for dessert. And I'm sitting with the dogs watching "A Christmas Story" on tv. My family has never been known round these parts for their cuisine. Yesterday we had frozen tv dinners. It's a wonder I ever grew to be my full height with nutrition like this. Ahhh....well, anyways.. I hope everyone else is having a Merry Christmas. I think I'm going to surf the net a little more by the twinkle of Christmas tree lights and nibble on nuts.

Yawn

2005-12-24T03:06:00.000-05:00

This is what the sky looked like this evening.... Just crazy beautiful.

Ugh...do I have to go to work?

2005-12-23T08:02:00.000-05:00

It's Christmas Eve's Eve....and I don't want to go to work for a bunch of meetings. Yuck. I'd much rather be in bed doing nothing. Cuddling with my lil black and white buddy. Well, for those of you out there who aren't working today...go out and buy some presents. Or eat some pre-Christmas turkey. Or get drunk in the middle of the day. Whatever...just be glad you're not at work. And as for me...tomorrow I'm off early to visit the fam in the big A.T.L.

Girl who thinks she can dance

2005-12-21T20:27:00.000-05:00

So after 4 agonizing days of waiting for google video to "verify" my video submission... it's finally viewable. But that's a whole separate rant. Let me preface this by saying that I didn't take this video. It was emailed to me by a friend...and god knows where he found it. But it has got to be one of the funniest things I've seen in ages. I could watch it over and over.

Okay, here's the skinny...

2005-12-21T20:17:00.000-05:00

Paris vs. Prague: So yeah, I'm lucky enough to get to travel for work sometimes. And as it turns out, in January I'm going to be going to London and Paris (as well as the South of France for a bit). But anyways...I'm ending the trip in Paris. And the thing is that I've never really been spent any time there. In fact, the most time I ever spent in Paris was a sum total of like 13 hours. Now this time I'll be there for 3 days, but I'll be working the entire time of course.... (That's the preface.) The thing is that normally on these European jaunts [for work], I don't actually take any vacation time afterwards. Instead, I always end up coming right back to the office. [Nose to the old grindstone and so forth.] But this time, I decided that I'd take an extra week and spend it over there as part of my vacation time. Now here's the rub... If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you'll remember that I hate (nay....LOATHE) traveling alone. The first day I'm fine, and then after that I turn into a dour wuss. (I mean, I live alone...and I'm single. The last thing I want to do for a week is travel in a foreign country by myself.) So I have the option of staying in Paris for a week and enjoying it by on my own. (Note: I don't speak French...so this is yet another problem.) Or I could skip off to some other locale and try to convince my friend to join me. (She doesn't want to go to Paris...but she's down with Prague.) I'm also open to other cool destinations in the central European area (other than Italy, Brussels and the UK...I already spend enough time there for work.) Any ideas? Suggestions? I'd love to hear about your European vacation... Or your fantasy destination. Email me or comment! I'm trying to figure out what to do.... Help! (And if any of you know me IRL, and want to join me...then I'd be down for that too!)

Prague or Paris?

2005-12-20T22:49:00.000-05:00

If you had to choose....which would it be? I'll tell you the story tomorrow....

God just rained down a Mixmaster...and his name was Digital Eargasm

2005-12-20T21:40:00.000-05:00

So I know that we've conversated (remind me to tell you about my story regarding the verb "to conversate") about how I have a S.E.R.I.O.U.S. love for the Remix. (I believe it must have all started with Mariah and her lil thang with O.D.B....but I digress...) Anyways...tonight while thumbing through the pages of Stereogum, one of my fave sites that I've not been utilizing for personal pleasure as much lately b/c of my dour disposition, I discovered _THE_MOST_AMAZING blog on earth. (For all things remixed that is.) *drumroll* Digital Eargasm. You must bow in their presence. (I mean....holy shit.) Just check out this mix...and then head straight over there and start unwrapping your musical Christmas presents. Thank you Jesus for good remixes. 'Nuff said.

The virtual milk carton worked...

2005-12-19T21:30:00.000-05:00

So awhile back, I posted a Missing Persons on the blog to see if I could find a long lost friend-girl. Well, even though she didn't find the post, it turns out that my thought waves somehow made their way all the way down to Birmingham, AL b/c she called me today out of the blue! (She found me through work and the power of the internet.) I'm impressed by the sheer power that my brain waves obviously have. That must be why I have such a bad memory these days... Y'know b/c they're always out doing other things. I'm glad to have reconnected with so many people lately via the internet, but I have to say that it kind of makes my hermetic life alone seem even more glaringly solitary. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not about to start singing "Hard Candy Christmas" or something...but I will admit that I am truly in the winter of my discontent. Or the Christmas doldrums. Or whatever you want to call it. I even voluantarily started doing housework tonight to take the edge off. Ugh. Maybe I just need a nice glass of wine. Yeah. Maybe I'll get inspired to iron something next. Doubtful. But maybe.

Dog day afternoon

2005-12-18T16:04:00.000-05:00

I've been practicing with my new camera. Here are the fruits of my labor.

The Simon monster on the couch (a little too blue in color...trying to work that out.)

And here's a pic (taken in daylight) of my friend P's new Bernese Mountain dog puppy. Her name is Margeaux, and she's almost as big as Simon. She's only 10 weeks old. She's going to grow up to be 100 pounds. Whoa!

Other than toying around the house today, not much else is going on. I've been obsessing over how to learn how to use the new camera. (With varying degrees of success.) I think part of my obsession with blogging and photos is because I'm afraid I'll forget things. You know like your last name. Or Simon's face. So I write it down. And take photos of it. I've been thinking about these things a lot lately. Last night I had a hard time remembering Jimmy Fallon's name. I realize that doesn't sound significant. But still it bothers me. I used to have such an awesome memory. And this afternoon it took me about an hour to remember a friend's last name from college. I haven't seen him in years, so I guess it was buried in the deep recesses of my mind...but yeah. I don't like forgetting. Well, certain things that is.

My #1 referring link

2005-12-16T19:23:00.000-05:00

Do you realize that the link that causes the most hits to my blog is from google images? If you type in the words

ugly naked women

my site is #3 on the list. I'm not sure if I'm thrilled or not. Most of what these people must be looking for is ugly naked porn. I'm going to repeat that. UGLY NAKED PORN. Hmm.... Interesting. And let me just say that I'm getting ALOT of hits off those search words. That's all I'm saying.... Update: You may be wondering why this is? Why would someone looking for ugly porn be linked to my site? Well, ages ago I linked to this guy's artwork and said that his paintings were of "ugly naked women". (I mean, they are of ugly naked women. There's no other way to describe it, and it was disturbing.) He was a match.com guy. And no, I never met him in person. As soon as I saw his artwork, I couldn't respond back to him. Ugh. Anyways...that's the story. My friend C thinks that I should edit the post that mentions this guy's work so I'll stop getting the hits from potential weirdos. What do you think? Good idea? Who cares? I usually try not to go back and edit posts -- especially if they're MONTHS old. I mean, it's for posterity's sake, right? Now, as a warning: Don't go searching on google images for those words unless you are prepared to see some icky pics. Just warning ya.

Kitchen, part deux

2005-12-16T08:03:00.000-05:00

Since no one pointed fingers and laughed, I'll post the other pic of my kitchen that I had planned on posting the other night. It's the other side of the room. The thing I was so happy about when getting the new microwave is that it cleaned off my very little counter space. I feel like I just had a trading spaces episode... Anyways, you really can't see my counterspace b/c of the angle, but that was what made me so happy. And thanks for the nice comments btw.

Christmas dun cum early this year (Also known as the "Ode to Target" post)

2005-12-14T23:42:00.000-05:00

So since my family lives in GA, my mom decided to send me to Target armed with her credit card to buy myself something for Christmas this year. Hot damn!! So...tonight was Christmas for me. I got a new microwave. (On sale for $39!) A couple pairs of brown socks. (I needed them. No, they're not exciting.) And a pair of fuzzy house slippers. (Only $14.99 and they're real suede on the outside!) I swear I love Target. That place has got their whole marketing thing down. I want to spend hundreds of dollars everytime I'm in there. I tried buying Simon some Christmas presents from me...but unfortunately the two doggie coats I picked out didn't quite fit, so they're going to need to be returned. Damn shame too. One of them is so fucking delicious that it makes me want to eat him alive. It's a navy North Face-type coat. So cute. I'm hoping that the Target has the one size up so that hopefully it fits him a little better. Anyways...my microwave died earlier this week and so that's why I got myself the "sensible" gift from my mom. (The old microwave lasted 13 years. So it was a pretty good run in all.) At any rate, the new microwave has a shorter cord that the old one, so I couldn't keep it on top of the fridge like before. Which made me have to rearrange the entire kitchen. I pulled up some shelving from the basement and Voila! I think my kitchen looks actually better than before. I don't know why I was resisting the shelves in the kitchen. I thought I'd post the pic of the my newly rearranged kitchen. Partially b/c I was dying to use my new camera for something....and also b/c I just like the way it looks.

Got the new camera....

2005-12-14T00:17:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so I got my new camera. A Canon Powershot AS 1S (or some other random sequence of numbers and letters), and I can't figure out how to post the video on the internet. So that's why I haven't been around spouting my normal "wisdom". The puzzling thing is that my new camera does seriously higher resolution video. A file is like 30 times bigger than the old one. And so therefore even though I managed to finally get it onto OurMedia...it takes FOREVER to download to watch it. I'm just annoyed and irritated. Plus I've not been motivated to take any photos of anything except my feet yet. Also a few of Simon. But he's perpetually in my photostream. I won't bore you with more photos of black and white furry perfection. Just know that between my iPod, my computer and now my new camera...I'm about to have a gadget meltdown. The iPod acts crazy by constantly running out of battery power or deciding it's going to just randomly skip songs. The computer is having HDD soft key(?) errors every other time I hibernate it...and then I can't figure out how to use the camera to my satisfaction. (Granted I only just got it yesterday....but whatever.... I'm impatient.) Alright... have a good evening. And no more windstorms about my depressive love life. I'm allowed to get depressed. It's my M.O. lately. And I'm also allowed to be bummed that match.com just sucked $50 of my money and I never actually met anyone great. I had such high hopes too.... Oh well.

Just dropping a note to let you all know that I haven't died...

2005-12-11T12:14:00.000-05:00

I haven't felt much like posting anything the last couple of days. And in my mind this is akin to a mortal sin (that rhymed!). But nevertheless, I haven't had much to say. Or much that I wanted to write about. But if you'd let me, I'd like to pontificate on this crazy thing we call love. (Also a song by Queen.) I went on a date last night. Yes, yet another match.com date. This one looked promising. We had spoken on the phone and got along really well. Seen multiple photos of each other so it would have seemed that the attraction was there...and yet when we met in person it just felt flat...and Awkward. He was such a nice person. He took me to this great [unnamed] sushi restaurant and then took me to go Ice Skating. I definitely give him 10 points for imagination for picking things to do. But instead of being fun, it made it even more awkward that I was doing these activities with a complete stranger. I would have so much rather have gone out to a bar and just had a little liquid lubrication to help lessen the awkwardness of the first meeting. The lesson here is that first [blind] dates should NEVER be four hours long. I inherently knew this, but still somehow agreed to the whole thing. So I'm just as much at fault. And I felt so guilty b/c I really wanted it to be just as good as I'm sure that he did. I mean he put tons of effort into coming up with something awesome for us to do...and I just wanted to head home and hang out with Simon. So basically what I'm getting at here is why isn't it easier to find someone in this great big world of ours with whom all the pieces fit together? Finding someone with whom:

You're attracted
You're conversationally compatible
You're both ready to actually be in a relationship
You both feel that mutual "spark" and chemistry.

Basically my match.com membership expires in a few days and I'm kind of glad that the three month reign of terror is coming to an end. I think I'm going on dating hiatus for the rest of the winter. It's exhausting. And depressing. Each date has felt a little bit like a loss. I don't even feel much like getting cute'd up for them anymore. It's like "Why bother?" Oh well...this is my ramblings on my sucky dating life. So instead, I'm going to go back to writing all your holiday cards. If you don't get one then just know it's because I don't know your address. Or I don't know you period. Or I'm just lazy and forgot to mail them. Whatever. They'll arrive by Valentine's Day. (Ugh...did I just remind myself that there's a second horrible holiday looming ahead?)

The epitome of Irony

2005-12-07T22:46:00.000-05:00

So does anyone remember Alanis Morisette's song "Ironic"? (Better yet, does anyone remember her period? I mean...what a Has-been.) Anyways...it was definitely one of those songs that drove me CRAZY at the time b/c none of her examples were actually ironic. "It's like Rain on your Wedding Day" -- not actually ironic, just really sucky "It's a Free Ride when you've already paid" -- again not really ironic, just irritating and sucky "It's the good advice that you just can't take" -- I don't know what this is, but it's not ironic So yeah, here's PERFECT irony. At practically the very same time that I was posting a Missed Connection for Mr. Cutie at the grocery store, he was posting one for someone else that he'd met the night before at a bar! And that my friends is how he saw my ad! Can you believe it? He let me know that. Why would you tell a girl that? Why would you bother actually responding to my Missed Connection ad if you're obviously NOT even interested? (Besides just the fact that he mentioned another girl in our SECOND email, I'm also assuming he's not interested b/c he's not actually asking much about me. So it's not like I'm jumping the gun really.) It's just rude and irritating. DON'T WASTE MY TIME!! I swear. Why don't mothers teach their sons to learn how to treat a woman and how to talk to her? So freaking annoying.... (And as an aside to Mike, the reason you didn't see my ad is because I took it down off of Craigslist before writing in the blog. I know me...the first thing I would do is head to Craigslist to look for my ad, so I didn't want you guys reading it. I'd be embarrassed!! Aw shucks! I mean, I went and read Mr. Grocery Store's ad...and here's what it said: "Hey, I'm the guy who bought you a drink. Your friends grabbed you to leave before I could get your number. I should have asked for it sooner, but I was a bit out of it by then" Ugh. Well, whatever. It's a funny story nonetheless...

Let's play Ketchup, shall we?

2005-12-06T22:40:00.000-05:00

So besides just being in a vague state of unrest and depression for the last few days, I've also been working like I actually make overtime pay. This explains my erratic posting schedule. I laugh at the mere idea of "overtime" btw. I think the last time I saw overtime pay was around the last time I saw my virginity. Whoever came up with the idea of a salary was a cruel jokester who taunted his workers with the idea of riches only to have them later realize they were working for mere pennies. But I digress....this is not the purpose of tonight's post because despite having worked a solid 12.5 hours today with lunch snarfed down at my desk, I actually got a crapload done this evening and hopefully will be able to leave close to "on time" tomorrow. We'll see. Anyways, I wanted to catch everyone up on what little has been going on in my life. (I see you all waiting there with baited breath.) I've been cooking like a madwoman. My best girl Ashley gave me the idea of cooking loads of stuff and immediately freezing them in individual servings so that you have homemade food at a later date that's not TV dinner type stuff. I thought this was brilliant and have therefore been doing that very thing. Tonight's menu was a type of Spanish cocido made with chicken, garbanzos, potatoes, celery and carrots...plus other yummy goodness that only Simon was privy to. Lastly, I had the funniest thing happen to me on Sunday. I went to the grocery store and saw a cute guy there that seemed like I recognized him from the unnamed online dating service that [normally] punishes me with it's lack of sane men. I wasn't sure if it was him or not and am not the type of person to start flirting with someone in the frozen food aisle, so I went to check out. And while in line, he got in the opposite lane from me and SMILED. Hmm.... I was even more intrigued. But I couldn't very well start shouting over the cashier's head to say hello to him -- a complete stranger. So I left the store. And like any dutiful woman in a city with only a handful of cute men, I put a Missed Connection on Craigslist. (Just know by the way, that I did go to unnamed online dating service to check and see if it was him, and just couldn't tell for sure.) The whole time mind you, I was thinking...this guy is NEVER going to see this Missed Connection b/c who actually reads those? Well, apparently this guy does b/c this morning he emailed me to say he saw my Craigslist ad, and wondered why I just didn't respond to his personals posting. Hehehe. Knowing my luck, I'm not holding my breath that this will work out. But I was just so thrilled this morning that the guy actually saw my M.C. on Craigslist that it kind of made my day. It felt very cosmic, and I love that feeling. As if fate has intervened...... hahaha..

You could probably sell me a bag of shit as long as there was a cute dog in the ad

2005-12-06T22:19:00.000-05:00

I absolutely love this ad from Ralph Lauren. I ripped it out of this month's [insert random Home Decor magazine here]. To be quite honest, I read so many home magazines that I don't remember which one...Anyways....if anyone wants to get Simon this bejeweled doggie collar, I'm sure we could start a petition to RL. Ralph would probably agree that Simon needs it.And for some reason, I am a sucker for a man in a tuxedo (or a nice suit). And so I have to admit that I'm vaguely attracted to Neanderthal Man on the right. The one with the longest hair on the left looks like he belongs in the Allman Brothers, so he's definitely out...but I can imagine that Mr. On-the-Right could be an outdoorsy mountain climber or something.... On a side note, is anyone else noticing that beards are back in style now? I'm seeing tons of cutie guys with beards these days. Just sayin.... Speaking of my complete love for men in awesome suits, I'm in love with the book The New English Dandy. If only men wore suits more often these days....maybe people would act more civilized. Maybe. I mean, I'm allowed to come up with any theory I want to that will bring world peace... Or at least whirled peas.

Bah Humbug, Take 2

2005-12-04T17:52:00.000-05:00

I'm just not in the Christmas spirit, and this is a problem b/c normally this is my favorite holiday of the year. I went to a friend's Tree-Trimming party last night, and although it was fun (b/c there was lots of wine, food, and the Christina Aguilera Christmas Album), I still can't shake my dispiritedness. (Is that a word?) It was especially hard b/c there were so many cute couples there. I was the unofficial couples photographer. "Lean in closer." "You guys look so cute!" Blech. It just reminds me that the only special someone that I'm going to be spending my holiday with is Simon. And although my dog is really special...let's face it...He's not an especially good conversationalist. Nor is he good at helping me cook dinner. And he's not that great at rubbing my head if I've got a headache from too much wine at said Christmas party. And I'll just bet that Simon has not even THOUGHT of what he's going to get me for Christmas. (In fact, come to think of it, he's NEVER gotten me a present in the 8.5 years we've been together. What an ungrateful little wretch.) So tonight, I thought I'd try and decorate my house "a little" for the holidays to try and snap out of my depressed daze. Of course, since I decided that I wasn't getting a tree this year, that means "a very little". I put up some lights in the front door...but I hate it. I'm sitting here looking at my vestibule all lit up, and I really dislike it. And I'm not convinced that it's not a fire hazard. That would really make my holidays crappy. So I think I'm going to take the lights back down and put them away. Yeah... that's what I'm going to do. And then I'll probably just lay around with my ingrate dog some more. Happy f*cking holidays. Update: I did take down the lights. I feel slightly better because of it. Oh and also because I went to the grocery store and bought Southern Comfort brand Eggnog. (It's completely non-alcoholic, but it does have just a little bit of sin in every carton.) After a glass and a half of the sweet nog, I feel like curling up on the couch and going to sleep. Which will happen shortly. It always does.

My heart is heavy....

2005-12-03T17:13:00.000-05:00

And I just don't feel like talking much. Or writing either. Instead all I can think about is my best friend who has just lost her dad. He was one of the nicest men that I've ever met...and I know he'll be missed by everyone here whose life he touched. May he rest in peace. Every once in awhile I have no words to say.

Somedays you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don't

2005-12-01T21:53:00.000-05:00

Today was a little strange. A girl that works with me was killed in a car accident last night. She was about my age, and had a dog that came to work with her...just like I bring Simon to work with me. The dog's name was Watson. I never even knew her name. In fact, not many people knew her name at all. And, well, the whole thing makes me think about my own mortality a little bit. I mean, I'm usually fairly blase about death, but this person worked with me. Was my age. And owned a dog similar to mine. It makes me think...it could just as easily have been me. I also found myself wondering if people would miss me if they found out that I had died the night before. Would they know my name? What would my legacy be? I love watching "It's a Wonderful Life" at Christmas time with Jimmy Stewart...and I always wonder if I've touched people's lives around me. It's hard to know for sure. I've never really considered myself much of a nice person. I mean, I can be nice....but I've never considered myself a nice person by nature. But it's hard to judge yourself. Because I know all the shitty thoughts that run through my head...And yet today I was joking with one of my co-workers that I had put in my two weeks notice, and she said..."Oh no! You can't do that! You're the nicest person that works here." It made me stop and say..."You can't be serious." But she actually meant it. Someone that I work with...and with whom I'm not even really that good of an acquaintance...thinks that I'm one of the nicest people that she works with. It blew me away quite frankly. And so yeah...today made me wonder about all of these things...and why I was here. What is my purpose? And am I valuing my time here? I wish I had an answer to these questions... Unfortunately, I don't. But to top off my day, I did manage to go on a Match.com date. (And I definitely wasn't attracted to him. Not to mention the fact that he was delusional about his height. He's definitely not 6'2".) He told me that he felt I was 40% better looking than my Match.com photos. I wanted to ask him how he came up with that figure, but I thought better of it. I also wanted to tell him, "I wish I hadn't spent the time to get cute for you...b/c damn, you weren't worth my 40% extra cuteness. Not worthy of it at all. Next time, I'm only going to look 14% more cute than my photos. It's less effort...and still "exceeds expectations."

One more thing....

2005-11-29T22:45:00.000-05:00

Holy crap...I love a good remix. And any time you mix rap with a big hit (think Puff Daddy when he remixed with the Police), you're probably going to have a good thing. Well, Stereogum today posted a link to this site that mixes 50 Cent and Queen. Another one bites the dust bitches!! Although I will admit, I think that 50 should plan on leaving the moustache at home! Hahaha!

Abracadabra...(It has nothing to do with this post...but it's a great song.)

2005-11-29T22:02:00.000-05:00

I'm tired...and worn out. And worked 11 long hours today. So I'm feeling entitled to my vodka and cranberry. And I don't feel much like posting. Much less anything thought provoking. I'd much rather enjoy a nice massage. (Dammit, where did I put that houseboy?) So instead, I'll leave you with this wonderful little ditty I found on Perez today. It definitely made me stare at it for a few minutes in disgusted awe. Enjoy...and go check out Perez' s site for a good laugh at everyone else's expense. No, your eyes don't deceive you. It's David Hasselhoff doing a pole dance.

Great design...

2005-11-28T21:16:00.000-05:00

I love great design. In fact, every day I'm paid to think about design. And right now, I'm in the throes of re-decorating my own house. You would think that I would have no problems changing it up, right? Wrong. I'm (what we refer to in the biz) as "too close to the product" to see anything clearly. I ~~need~~want a new sofa b/c the one I have is [aesthetically] too big for the space I want to put it in. I mean, technically the sofa fits, but it just doesn't look nearly as good as it did when I lived in a huge apartment. Now that I live in a narrow Philly rowhome...my 80" sofa just takes up too much space. Plus I tend to shed furniture like a dog shed's hair. I've put so much furniture out on the street b/c I was tired of it that it ought to be a sin including:

a cedar chest
a coffee table
entertainment center
[previous] sofa
nightstands
kitchen table and chairs

This doesn't even take into account the furniture I have in my basement....

Queen size sleigh bed
2 different ottomans
various discarded shelving units
coffee table
2 side tables
dog house (not technically furniture, but takes up the same amount of space)

Anyways...I am definitely close to having my house just where I want it though. I resurrected the old coffee table (from my basement). I chopped off the legs and it looks better than ever. Then last night I went to Target to buy the Isaac Mizrahi chest of drawers to finish off my All-White Modern bedroom that I'm doing. I'll take pictures when I get my new camera so you can see what it looks like. I'm rather proud b/c I NEVER do anything modern. (As an aside, can I just say how awesome Target is these days? I love the fact that they even had that chest of drawers! I didn't want to spend a lot of money on it b/c I knew I might get tired of it in a year or so...but it looks soooooo good in person! Great deal!) So yeah....I basically said all this to say that I'm retarded...and ADDICTED to furniture. I wish that I liked less expensive and less bulky items...such as lipstick. I'm still looking for the PERFECT sofa. Theoretically I should know where to acquire such an item...but it's just not turning out to be that easy. But since I can't figure out where to get the perfect sofa for my house, I thought I'd give you guys a taste of some of my favorite design items (and some of them are even a perfect gift for the holiday season).

The Tivoli Kloss radios. The look is so compact and wonderful. And the sound is amazing too. What a bonus!
The iPod. It had to make the list, right?
This Silhouette Cuckoo clock. I love a modern twist on something classic.
Decorative Plates by Piero Fornasetti. He adorns my walls and makes me happy.
Side table made of birch branches. I love organic and modern together. I saw this piece at Minima in Philadelphia for sale...just an FYI.
Modern red table. Modern and sleek from the exterior, but has all the classical turnings on the interior. Available exclusively at Heal's stores in the UK.
Red Murano Chandelier from Design Within Reach.
Tano Handbags. They're the FUCKING bomb. I mean that.
Jack and Lulu cards. Great paper goods are a must for any handwritten note.
Vintage Appliances. Sometimes the best design is old. It's too bad that appliances don't look this good these days. Although I do get a little misty eyed looking at a few different front load washers....

Okay...enough of my rant. For god's sake everyone start your Christmas shopping! Think of good design when you're buying though, and please don't support places like Wal-Mart. Don't even make me start my OTHER rant about that awful place. (Just as an FYI to those of you that know me "in real life", this post was not meant as a hint of what I want for Xmas. In fact, I'd prefer no gifts. A nice handwritten note on a lovely card would be lovely though. HINT HINT to those of you bitches that don't send out Christmas cards.)

I've come to the conclusion that EVERY weekend should be 4 days long

2005-11-27T11:10:00.000-05:00

So this holiday weekend has been near perfect. I felt like I was on a vacation. The biggest thing had to do with the fact that I didn't have to work. That's always a bonus. But so far this weekend, I've watched a crapload of movies. Worked on my house, and it's still in a shambles....but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I bought a new camera -- a Canon Powershot S2 IS. I haven't actually received it yet though b/c I ordered it from Amazon, but as soon as I do get it, I'm going to be posting some serious crap. I'm soooo excited!! And that's about it. I need to get off my lazy ass so that I can get to doing some more re-arranging of furniture and possibly a little painting. I also realize that this post includes nothing exciting. So I guess I'll add a tiny tidbit about my excursions... Went out last night to a gay dance club, and got hit on as much as my friend P - a gay man. I was trying to be a good wing man and help him scope out hot cock (of which there was a surprising lack)...and it kept turning into men hitting on me. What's up with the straight boys going to the gay bar to pick up chicks? One guy was grinding on me so hard that he had a DEATH GRIP on my arms. I had to get P to give me a rescue. It was a little bizarre. But one of the straight boys was actually cute, so I did give him my number. He was from Bulgaria, and had the cutest accent. What woman can resist a cute foreign accent? And his name consists of about 10 slavic syllables...which is also kind of cute. Can you imagine me introducing my new bf -- "And this is Rachmaninovpetromilosovich, my new beau." Hehehe. It's kinda cute. So them's the details...

Darling....it's just not big enough

2005-11-26T11:27:00.000-05:00

It looks like size DOES matter. HAahaha.

Thanksgiving Day Massacre

2005-11-25T11:21:00.000-05:00

So I hope everyone had as wonderful a Thanksgiving Day as I did...and just as lazy. P and I woke up early to prepare ourselves for a big day of TV watching, trivia, and food intake. We managed to squeeze in 3 games of Scene-It (I slaughtered him all three games), the National Dog Show (couldn't resist the inserted picture -- I love John O'Hurley and everyone knows that the Chinese Crested is the cutest dog on earth besides Simon!), 3 different movies (Kung Fu Hustle, War of the Worlds, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre). Speaking of the TX Chainsaw Massacre... Holy crap! That movie scared the shit out of me. I couldn't get to sleep last night. The remake was WAAAAAAAAY better than the original. Anyways...must get up and out today. I think I'm going to shop for a new camera and possibly get a little painting done. Don't you wish you were hanging out with me ? My life is so rock-n-roll that it hurts. Hahaha.

Happy Thanksgiving....

2005-11-24T12:03:00.000-05:00

From Simon, Leah (and her friend Paul who doesn't know he's telling everyone hi). It's going to be a FULL FAT pork loving day. As a side note, I would consider writing a full post here, but most of you actually have things going on (unlike me) so I'm not going to waste the energy today. Back to full posting status tomorrow....or later this evening. Whichever strikes my fancy.

Off for a little vittle shopping...

2005-11-23T18:53:00.000-05:00

And since I don't have time to really write anything, I thought I'd leave you with a little Destiny's Child. Enjoy your Thanksgiving (and maybe a little booty over the holiday)! Update: I took down the video b/c I'm retarded and couldn't figure out how to make it not autoplay. And even I got tired of hearing Bootylicious over and over. ;-)

Why do I always have the weirdest dreams?

2005-11-23T08:04:00.000-05:00

Last night I had a really random dream about a KISS cover band. Not the actual band...but I dreamt about a COVER band! And this morning I woke up singing "Strutter." What is wrong with me?However, on a side note...the actual KISS did put on the best rock concert I've ever seen. I think it was the makeup and chest hair. It was a little intoxicating.

Strange things are afoot

2005-11-23T00:01:00.000-05:00

So I'm not sure why the iRobot gods smiled down on me this week...but for some unknown reason I just got a Roomba via UPS today. I hadn't ordered one. I have no idea where it came from. But it just landed on my doorstep addressed to me. This of course makes no sense b/c I already own a Roomba and have no use for a second one. I could theoretically keep this one upstairs...but I don't think so. Hmmm.....anyways. I'm contemplating what to do with it. (And don't even say "Send it back." Because I don't even know where to send it to!) Other than the Roomba thing, the only thing funny or exciting about my day was seeing this video of Kate Moss high as a kite jumping up and down topless. It's definitely worth watching! And boys...you can thank me later. LINK Now I just feel like going upstairs and getting a little shut-eye. Sleeeeeeeep. (By the way, some guy attempted to flirt with me today on MySpace, but he has a drawer of dead mice in one of his photos. DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK THIS IS STRANGE?! Why do I attract these people! OMG! Who in their right mind has a drawer full of dead mice and then TAKES PHOTOS OF IT to put online?!

The impending doom of what I like to refer to as "The Holidays"

2005-11-21T20:45:00.000-05:00

Well, you'll be happy to know that I did manage to scrounge up a ticket back to Atlanta for Christmas for less than $500 (surprisingly). Simon and I will be arriving on Christmas Eve for a little holiday cheer with the momster and her boyfriend. I'm dreading it like I usually do. I haven't gone home for Christmas in the last two years b/c, in a previous life, I actually liked Christmas...and I spent it decorating my house, watching cheesy xmas movies, and listening to xmas music. But those were the days when I wasn't a sour puss. My mother doesn't decorate or put up a tree (so there's not much to look forward to there) and it's hard to get "in the spirit" here in Philly when I don't have any family or loved ones around to "make the season bright." Loved ones being specifically defined as an "extra special someone." Plus this season is a grim reminder that for the last two years, I actually had a boyfriend and a second family with whom I spent Christmas. This year there's really no one for whom I'll get excited about buying that special present. And I don't get excited about buying my family presents b/c they don't really like anything I ever get them. They never get excited about anything. And I never get excited about anything they ever get me. (I mean, it's hard to get excited about self-help books, a 5 lb. tub of popcorn or a battery-operated dancing Santa.) As a side note, let me just mention here that my Ex never got excited about his present either. It was always such a letdown! But I do take secret pride that the first Christmas present I gave him is still one of his favorite things that he "can't live without." He even put it in his online personals ad. I feel somewhat vindicated by this considering that he was so skeptical when he first opened the gift. I'm always trying to just get my mom to stop buying me presents. I'd much rather her just invest her money rather than buy me something that I'll just have to return (such as the toaster oven/broiler/steamer combo that I got for my birthday). I'm all small-electric'd out. I don't have a single spot left on top of the counter. Thanksgiving is not much better with my family. We used to do it all up with turkey & dressing and all the traditional Southern fixin's. But not anymore. Last year, my family wanted to go to Ryan's (only the most putrescent all-you-can-eat restaurant chain on the earth that is singlehandedly responsible for reinvigorating the sneezeshield industry of the late 80's). I drew the veritable line in the sand on that one. I loathe and despise this horrid place, and refused to go there for a celebrated National holiday. I've been dragged there kicking and screaming on various other occasions only to stare at the exiles from Overeater's Anonymous and refusing to eat anything at all lest I suddenly gain 100 lbs. just by sitting near a vat of "country fried steak". (Not to mention the fact that the food is so bland and tasteless, that I'd rather just drink water and chew iceberg lettuce...at least there are fewer calories.) Because of all this, I'm risking Christmas this year and staying here in Philly for Turkey Day. I'm going to be spending a little friend on friend time with my gay boys here, and hopefully we'll end up having a decent meal. I can at least guarantee that we won't end up at an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet.

Hey Mom! Let's go to Camden, NJ this weekend!

2005-11-21T20:03:00.000-05:00

So guess what? Camden was pronounced America's Most Dangerous City...for the SECOND year in a row. (Just for perspective you should keep in mind that this is behind Detroit, Baltimore and Gary, IN.) Apparently the thugs, pimps and drug dealers that live there weren't too happy about it. Today the citizens of Camden were completely appalled and many were quoted as saying this was "unfair" and how their city was "moving beyond" it's crime problems to become a more progressive city. The Mayor Gwendolyn Faison says, "We're doing so many nice things now. It's unfortunate that somebody always wants to bad-mouth Camden." Yeah......about that. (I mean, for those of you who've never actually been to Camden, NJ, it's one of the places that I always take out-of-town visitors b/c I always tell them, "You've NEVER seen anything like this! McDonalds is even too scared to put a location there." Even during rush hour, there's barely a car on the street. Every other house is a burnt out shell. When you fly over it on the way into Philly, you can see tons of houses with no roofs. It's just the scariest place I've ever been to in the U.S. I love horror movies, and this place is the PERFECT place to set the next Massacre movie. Once I dared a friend of mine to drive through there at night. It was one of the scariest things we've ever done.) So today, the indignant citizens of Camden decided to prove how they've changed by protesting and burning a few cars. Old habits die hard. Camden. "It's just right across the river."

An Ode to Cookies (and a Sonnet for MySpace)

2005-11-20T09:58:00.000-05:00

I love being completely lazy on a weekend. I also feel marginally guilty for it as well...but whatever. (On a side note, I have a huge guilt complex that is highly unnatural for someone who's not even catholic. But I digress...) So my point here is that Cookies Rock. Especially the little oatmeal chocolate chip ones from Trader Joes. I made an official breakfast out of them plus heapings of coffee. My new theory (thanks to my friend Jennie Kazz's unflagging support in fleshing out the scientific hypotheses of it all) is that cookies and chocolate are okay when substituted for an entire meal. I can hardly feel guilty for eating cookies, when I ate nothing else. I'm going to submit this theory on behalf of us both to the Journal of Medicine so that they can publish it and we can become rich and famous. I'll then be able to retire and move to Vail, Colorado where I can do nothing but ski the slopes with Trista & Ryan and various sundry other third tier celebrities. Sounds like a plan, huh? Now....what you've all been waiting for. My soon-t0-be famous "Sonnet to MySpace". (Leah quickly looks up the rhyme-scheme for a sonnet.) Okay fuck it. I'm not rhyming. Or writing a poem. I gave that up years ago when I realized that poetry is best left to Shakespeare and Coleridge. (I wish a few of the men I dated over the years had felt the same way. I had to stifle some serious laughter at various times while a man read me his poem written in my honor. One even had guitar accompaniment. It was a sad sad sight.) Anyways...I normally rail against MySpace.com as being a loathesome place of noise and awful html. (And generally it is.) But thanks to my wonderful friend J.Christopher I am starting to make peace with it. Last night I found two different friend-girls that I thought had vanished off the face of the earth for good. It's exciting when you touchbase with people from your past. I know this b/c I move around so freaking much that it's getting harder and harder to find those people that knew you "back when". (You know back when you looked like a total freak...and they picked you up and carried you home b/c you were WAY too drunk to get there on your own. See photo insert of me and J.Christopher back in 1997. Why didn't any of my friends tell me that I looked like complete crap with such short hair! Not to mention the time that I shaved my head completely. Oh well...it was the 90's. And people were wearing JNCO's and flannel. I guess I can't be too mad at them. They looked crazy too.) At any rate, I'm glad that MySpace exists...even in spite of all the pages that are so aesthetically un-pleasing that it makes my eyes water in irritation. I wouldn't be able to find those random people in my life that I've lost touch with over the years. My grandma has one of those plaques on her wall that says "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold." She's right. And lastly....here's a separate shout out to one friend-girl that I lost touch with and have never been able to find again. Lauren Scott Deaton, if you're out there somewhere...you need to email me. (I feel like I'm posting this as a Missing Persons on a virtual Milk Carton. But whatever, right?) It could work. I'm going to be optimistic and send lots of thought waves out there to her.

Last seen: A Wal-Mart in Gwinnett County, Ga. Nov 2000 (Hopefully, she's escaped since then.)

Mama always told me "Never Count Your Chickens Before they Hatch"

2005-11-19T19:18:00.000-05:00

So today was quite a doozy. Not in a bad way necessarily, but in that "I shoulda seen that coming" kinda way. So this afternoon, the new Man called me to let me know that he just wasn't ready to be "in a relationship." Hmmm...I'm sorry. Were you on MATCH.COM? Isn't that what people are looking for on there? Y'know. Relationships? Ugh. So annoying. But again, I should have seen this coming. He only wanted to spend barely once a week with me...and wasn't much of a communicator in between. The weirdest part of today was that while I was being "dumped" (can you call it that when you've only dated for a month?), was that I walked up on a man stealing a car stereo off of Rittenhouse Square. (Let's note here that it was broad daylight in one of the busier sections of the city.) I didn't know how to react. I mean, on one hand, the guy I liked was telling me that he couldn't see me anymore...on the other hand, here's a man stealing a car stereo from a black Jeep (between 19th and 20th, near Rittenhouse on one of those little side streets). I should have started screaming "Stop Thief!!!" really loudly...but I was a little bit stunned by the whole thing...plus he was talking crazily to himself and was obviously on some kind of drugs. I didn't know if he'd pull a knife on me or something. I feel bad now. I should have tackled him. Or at least left a note on the guy's Jeep to say that I saw the guy. But what would have happened? They'd have pulled him in for a lineup? Oh well. I was in the middle of getting the brush-off. And a little dazed and confused. But you know what? It's okay. I'm actually fine with the whole "dumping" thing. Because there were more problems than just him not spending time with me. Let's just say that it's been a month, and I still haven't added another "notch" to my belt. I *think* you get my drift here people. That's right. I was better off without that kind of added drama. Work is stressing me out enough as it is. A 30 yr old woman is in the PRIME of her life. And shouldn't be with a man who is obviously not able to maximize that to his benefit.

Breakdown not officially over...but better

2005-11-18T20:21:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I guess the headline says it all. Had a talk with the boss and a few co-workers. I'm not the only one feeling the stress. Oh well...

Who's Loving your Mama?

2005-11-18T08:05:00.000-05:00

Thanks to my friend J for wanting to cheer me up by sending me a great video by Kennedy. Definitely watch it. And have a good day too. (NSFW link) It's hilarious to say the least.

Breakdown...

2005-11-17T08:15:00.000-05:00

I may or may not be posting over the next few days. Work is just about to break me. In fact, yesterday I actually did have a complete meltdown. So sorry....I just feel like sleeping and drinking at the moment. Be back online soon.

Listen to the insane unfairness of it all!

2005-11-15T19:20:00.000-05:00

I just noticed today (as I was trying to schedule flights to go home to visit my family for Christmas) that I am booked SOLID for meetings the entire week prior to Christmas. That means that I would have to leave on Christmas eve, and not arrive home until 7pm.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!!!!!

Who the fuck schedules meetings on Friday afternoon before Christmas?! I am so insanely pissed off right now that I could scream fUCK like 100 times at the top of my lungs. Thankfully I have a movie night with the guy tonight for a little R&R. :-) Hoping I'll get in a better mood after a few glasses of wine. Let's hope so. He may not like me if I continue to be this irritable. Ha.

One more thing about shoes....well, boots really.

2005-11-14T21:26:00.000-05:00

Okay...I'm in boot MANIA right now. I'm desperate to find new BROWN boots. And this is posing more of a problem than I would have thought for several reasons: 1. I'm picky. 2. I wear a size 11 shoe. (Don't laugh or I'll whip out some voodoo on your ass.) 3. I have thin calves. (This is actually posing the largest problem.) So anyways...I'm dying to find some new boots, and have looked virtually everywhere in Philly. It's getting down to desperation time quite frankly. And this is the second year in a row where I've not been able to find good brown boots that fit. Last year I just suffered and wore my only pair of black boots...but this year, I'm trying to officially "make the switch to brown" and it's just not possible without the right accessories. Anyways...my quandary is this. I found this pair of Croc (I'm sure it's mock croc, so don't get your feathers in a wad) boots at Nordstrom yesterday. (They're having a half yearly sale right now, and it's tha bomb!!) And I really liked these. But I'm really not sure that this reddish color really qualifies as brown. I'm also not sure that they're practical enough for lots of wear. I mean, how often can I wear croc boots without becoming "the girl with the croc boots"? Not to mention the fact that they have a stiletto type heel. So my question is this: Should I end my quest here and just keep the damn boots? Or should I return them and continue my seemingly neverending search for brown boots? It's really getting depressing that I can't find any boots that fit. All the calves are waaay too big, and not to mention hardly any stores carry my stupid size anyways. I feel like the damn jolly green giant sometimes. (My only consolation is that Paris Hilton is also a size 11. I truly dislike her, but at least she's got huge feet too.)

Leah's tip on "How to get more done around the house"

2005-11-14T20:39:00.000-05:00

So yeah, I'm constantly fighting the big bad word called "laziness." I get home from a long day at work and I just don't want to do anything but surf the net and listen to music. (I seriously waste so much time on the net that it's ridiculous. At least other people watch tv.) I don't even read magazines or books hardly anymore ...much less do the things that I really need to be doing like cleaning my kitchen, scrubbing the bathroom, organzing my closet, and giving myself a facial. (Why not, right?) So here's my big idea. "Don't take your shoes off". I'm finding that if I keep my shoes on when I'm in the house, then I'm less likely to lay around on the couch and "just cuddle with Simon." Or nap. Or think naughty thoughts about hottie men -- especially the one that I'm dating. (Which I can be prone to do. I have a one track mind sometimes.) And so, yeah, I have my shoes on now. And even though I just got sucked into the internet for over 45 minutes, it's still only 8:45pm and I'm about to get some crap done around the house before I go to bed. Yay! p.s. As a side note, go and check out Worth 1000's Celebrity "Detouching" contest. Too freaking funny.

Amidst changing the sheets on the bed, this is what I came back to...

2005-11-13T21:02:00.000-05:00

Click this link to watch the video.

Carnivale of the Dogs, Rittenhouse

2005-11-12T20:28:00.000-05:00

So yeah, J and I went to see the "Carnivale of the Dogs" today in Rittenhouse Park. There were so many cute dogs out there, it was insane. I couldn't take enough pictures. There were free hotdogs, dogs in costumes, free vet advice, grooming, pet adoptions, and dog agility expos. It was awesome. So here's a couple highlights. (You could get your photo made with your dog!!! It was adorable! I didn't have Simon there with me unfortunately, so you guys won't be getting this with your xmas cards. Sorry.) This was just one of the many cute breeds there. There were Great Danes, Italian Greyhounds, Dachsunds, Jack Russells, mutts, Border Collies, Boston Terriers, French Bulldogs, and tons of others.

Adventures in lying...

2005-11-12T17:41:00.000-05:00

I have to say that I love to create a new identity for myself when I've met someone new. (Okay, I really only do this in clubs with strange men...but still.) So here's how things unfolded last evening. My friend C and I are just hanging out watching the line dancing and having a drink when this random guy [with a lisp] comes over to chat us her up. (Meanwhile, we're less than interested to be chatting with this guy.) But he shakes my hand and asks if I work in Law Enforcement!! I was a little shocked. (Later we find out he works for the DEA, when he flashed his gun and badge at us. I don't think you're supposed to do that, fyi. But I digress...) Then he asks if we're college students. Then he asks if we work in a WAREHOUSE? Why would we work in a warehouse? So anyways....she tells him that she's in college to become a doctor. And I told him I was in Cosmetology school getting a degree in Laser Hair Removal. I proceeded to give a 15 minute diatribe about how beneficial my profession was in helping people to achieve their goal of hairlessness. I also discussed how I had to wax a man's ass hair "the other day." It was quite nice to see his eyes glass over. And quite hilarious. I could barely keep from laughing out loud. I then told him that the only reason I had gone into hair removal in the first place though was because I had broken my ankle several years back which had ruined my career in modern dance. (Go Fosse!) Later (to another guy), I told him my name was Veronica and I was the manager of a Plasma Donation Center here in Philly. They actually thought it was a very noble profession. Or at least they seemed to as they were plying me with drinks. Guy #1 and Guys #2 started talking and realized I'd given them different names... I told Guys #2, that Guy #1 was completely trashed and couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground. It worked. And lastly, a little tiny [and very dorky] man with a cowboy hat asked me to dance. I, of course, said yes...in spite of his tiny stature...and learned how to dance the "Shawdish" (sp?)....which is some variation on the Texas Two-Step. All in all, it was a very good night. And if any of you need hair removal, just let me know. I'm getting my license. :-)

Move over Minnie Pearl, I'm about to get my Hee Haw on...

2005-11-11T20:24:00.000-05:00

Yep, it's that time again. Time for Leah to put on some cunt'ry duds and do a little two-steppin'. Every once in awhile, I need to go to a really cheesy club where the men will buy me drinks and whisper sweet nuthins' in my ear to the twang of Johnny Cash. I mean...I am from the South for god's sake. You didn't think I'd escaped it completely unscathed, did you?! So yeah, I'm headed out tonight with my gal pal C so we can rip it up a little. We've both had really hard weeks...both at work and with the men folk. I will warn you all now that I fully intend to:

have many beers. (No Budweiser though. Sorry...I do have some class.)
wear tight-fittin' jeans.
wear cowboy boots.
sass up my makeup.
flirt with any man not wearing a cowboy hat (b/c cowboy hats are for losers).
sing along with every song that I know the words to (which will be most of them).
possibly dance a two-step, but no line dancing. (Sorry kids...it's lame, and not for me.)

Hopefully I'll be good enough to not have a hangover tomorrow. I have to go rock climbing at 10am. Ha!

Is it possible to get "Adult Onset" Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)?

2005-11-10T22:18:00.000-05:00

I mean...is that really even a thing? Because I swear I have it. I had a "for real" post about 30 minutes ago, but I got sidetracked looking at all your damn blogs (I'm speaking to all of you...the random people of the internet) and completely spaced on what I was going to write about. How does that happen? I also manage to misplace or lose random stuff and it drives me crazy. At some point in the last 2 years I have lost all of my high school yearbooks. That's just cruel! I don't know where those things ran off to...because lord knows they had to have sprung legs and literally run away. And I can't find my Sinead O'Connor "The Lion and the Cobra" cd either. That cd has NEVER left this house, and yet now it's gone. All I can figure is that either it was a casualty of my breakup or the guy who did some work on my house decided he liked Sinead enough to steal it. Both seem unlikely. It probably grew legs just like my yearbooks. Anyways, I think this possible ADD is why I'm frustrated with work. I'm never allowed a constant stream of thought for more than 20 minutes before I'm interrupted again. I can never get on a roll to get things done. Aurgh. If you know of a remedy for this situation, please leave me a comment. However, please know that I'm not going to drink fish oil or eat coconut. Just in case those ingredients were part of your solution.

Gratuitous Simon picture of the week.

2005-11-10T19:22:00.000-05:00

This dog is so damn cute is hard to believe he's not a person. (He's not so friendly with children though...so he does have a few drawbacks. Not a biter...just afraid of them. And thunderstorms. And splashing water. And scared of people running at him. And of getting his nails clipped. And he begs for your food incessantly.) So in other words, he's neurotic just like a person too. Hmm.... Interesting.

Never mix meds with red wine. No matter how many times the whino on the street says it's a good idea

2005-11-09T23:17:00.000-05:00

So yeah, I took several bouts of Dayquil today....to little avail. I still have this angry post nasal-y thing. Ugh. It's not pretty. And worst of all, I told my friend that I'd come see her new place, and of course she offered me ~~vials of crack~~ red wine to celebrate her new place. At first I refused, but then I gave in and said..."Okay, I'll have a third glass full! Stop pushing me!" At any rate, here I am....and I'm desperate for more sleep. I want the tickle mosters to go to bed. All rifht....well, I'd better skeedaddle. talk to you

Move over Boxcar Willie....somebody's done hit me with a freight train

2005-11-09T06:56:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time there was a gal named Leah that felt healthy and like she could tackle the world. Well actually that's a lie children. You see grownups don't feel "healthy" necessarily b/c generally your body is in a constant state of health. (As an example, you don't think about how great it is to breathe air, until it's not there to breathe.) So naturally Leah felt like she always felt (which is pretty terriffic) until *insert scary music here* .... yesterday. Yesterday Leah woke up with an unexplained tickle in her throat. We'll refer to the unexplained tickle as "Monsters" from now on. Well, the Monsters started gnawing away at her insides until she got something called "post nasal drip"...which we'll go forward referring to as "Chinese Water Torture". At any rate... The monsters continuously tortured her with water torture until she couldn't stand it any longer. She started drinking a magical elixir made of Tazo, honey and lemon juice. Unfortunately the magical elixir only helps temporarily. She forgot the most magical ingredient... bat wings. See bat wings are hard to get in Philadelphia. So she then kicked it up a notch with another magical elixir her mom used to give her called "Tropicana Pure Premium with Lots-o-Pulp". It helped some...but not as much as she would have liked. So lastly, she took some scary pills called "Coricidin" that made her very sleepy. Well, anyways kids, I wish I could tell you that this story had a happy ending, but it doesn't. Because Leah is still suffering with the torture given out by the monsters. She's taking other pills and still drinking the elixirs...but alas...these darn monsters aren't going away as of yet. The worst part of the monster story though is that she's going to have to go to a bad place called "work" and suffer b/c that's how shit rolls in her life. Thankfully the new pills won't make her sleepy and she'll be able to suffer in silence. So kids, the moral of this story is to never play in the street or take candy from strangers. The end.

Shopgirl. It's not as good as the book...

2005-11-07T20:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm going to start this review off by merely stating the obvious: The book was awesome. Who even knew that Steve Martin could write? And now he's on his third release. Wow. The Jerk actually has some talent. (As a side note though...no dept store has a girl whose sole job is to work the one glove counter. That's like paying someone to breathe air. You just don't sell that many gloves these days. You would have a sales clerk who multi-tasked between gloves, hats, scarves, belts and hoisery. I know...I used to manage the Accessories dept at Macys. But I digress...) Do you want to know the main reason the movie didn't live up to the book? Because unlike the movie, Steve Martin has no starring role. He's merely the author. In the movie, he plays the leading man, annoying narrator voice-over and "generally creepy guy sleeping with your daughter". I actually like the role of Ray Porter, but I just think it's one that another older actor would have been much better suited for...such as Bill Murray, Liam Neeson, or Ralph Fiennes. He just lacked charisma and believability in the role. But the worst part was that he just wasn't compelling to watch. His performance felt hollow and empty. (And quite frankly, I got the skeeves thinking about him and Claire Danes naked together. He kept having closeups...and his face looked all bloated and swelly.) Claire Danes stood out, but only as herself. It was actually hard for me to separate her out and imagine her as anything but Claire Danes (or that chick from My So Called Life). Some actresses are chameleons...and some just always seem to be manifesting themselves in the same role over and over again. Looking back I kind of expected Jordan Catalano to run out and give her a smoldering kiss....but alas, it didn't happen. Now all that being said, I actually liked the movie overall. (I know, it's surprising after the scathing comments above.) It was beautifully shot...and very stark. Mirabelle's apt and Ray's house were a nice contrasting yin to her yang. They were both equally void of life. One was desolate and slightly ghetto. One was desolate and yet lavish. Jason Schwartzmann who played Jeremy was actually pretty funny as always. He definitely had the most energy of the entire movie, and often ended up stealing the scene. The end was warm and gave me little tingly fuzzies inside. And I even teared up once. It's was nice. That darn Steve sure knows how to write. Now I just wish he'd stop trying to be a leading man.

Link Pimping...

2005-11-06T08:59:00.000-05:00

Skippy posted a funny [and all too short] list of unfortunate website names. The best part is that they're all real. (link) Go check out Give Me Spirit Fingers Dammit!! I laughed until tears came out of my eyes. Especially funny is her Fashion Roadkill Section (on the sidebar). It's almost better than my favorite GFY. I'm definitely going to be checking in on her site everyday. Awesome.... Also, I forgot how much fun it is to check in on Dear Chrissy. Check her out...and possibly buy some art while you're at it. If you want to pimp your own link...please do so in the comments section. I welcome a great new find.